By: Chuck Miller
Writing

Ted Cruz is a feckless, dog-hating chisel-brain.

At some point in time, Texas senator Ted Cruz is going to have to realize that he is an elected official in the State of Texas, and that he WORKS for the people of Texas.

And right now, Texans are hurting. The recent snowstorms have overwhelmed the poorly-equipped Texas power plants, throwing millions of Texans into a crippling deep freeze. Water pipes froze solid and burst. There’s no power to heat homes. Texans are going through every possible emergency tactic, including ones that are totally unsafe (running a car in a garage to stay warm, burning furniture, etc.).

And what does Ted Cruz do? Does he mobilize volunteers to travel and help the elderly and the disabled and those in the most dire need?

Oh, no. You know who recruited those volunteers? Cruz’s 2018 Senatorial rival, Beto O’Rourke.

I know, I know. Perhaps he could mobilize people from outside the state, people who are able to donate money to help pay for emergency services and needs. You know, to help fund-raise through the American Red Cross or the United Way or through some sort of Texas-based charity.

Oh, no. That wasn’t Cruz, that was Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who did that.

No, what did Ted Cruz do?

He booked a vacation in Cancun for himself, his wife and his kids.

I can’t decide if the best hashtag would be #TedFled or #CancunCruz.

That’s right. The Senator from Texas flew to the great Texas city of Cancun to meet with the Texas constituents in Cancun. </sarcasm>

There are reports this morning that hospitals in Houston are washing patients with hand sanitizer because the pipes are frozen and they can’t get water. Or that they’re hand-scooping excrement out of toilets because they can’t flush anything down. There’s even a report of a mother who froze to death while holding her baby to keep the child as warm as possible.

Meanwhile, this smarmy chud Ted Cruz is puttering through the gift shops, probably trying to find a decent souvenir T-shirt.

He then comes back to Texas, and does a quick sit-down interview and says that if he had known that his trip would have been perceived the way it was, he might not have made it. Or that the trip was already in his personal plans. Or that his kids wanted to go, and he didn’t want to be a bad father, so he offered to escort them to Cancun and return home the next day.

And maybe that “daughters had a trip planned” theory might be plausible … had Ted Cruz’s wife’s texts to her neighborhood group not suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Oh, and one more thing. Ted Cruz made sure to haul ass out of Texas. He made sure that tickets were purchased for his wife and his kids. You know who Ted Cruz left behind to freeze in the Cruz household?

He left his dog, a poodle named – I’m not making this up – Snowflake – in the house while he and his family fled to Cancun.

At this point, I’m waiting to see how this will be interpreted on this weekend’s edition of Saturday Night Live. I’m betting it will be the opening sketch, and that either Alex Moffatt or Beck Bennett will play Ted Cruz, with Heidi Gardner or Chloe Fineman taking on the role of Heidi Cruz. Come on, it’s like betting on a two-headed coin flip. This shit writes itself.

So what does this truly show? Is Ted Cruz a man of the people, ready to roll up his sleeves and help wherever he can in a moment of crisis?

Yeah, right. Ted Cruz is as feckless as the day is long. And it’s time for Ted Cruz to resign.

Because Texans have long memories. Heck, every one of them remembers the Alamo, don’t tell me I’m wrong.

Well, in terms of the Alamo, Ted Cruz surrendered and hauled ass out of Texas faster than Burt Reynolds in a black Pontiac Trans-Am while Jerry Reed’s riding back-door with 36 cases of bootleg Coors.

Hey, maybe you should just move to Cancun, Ted Cruz. Permanently. Away with you.

And let’s get a Senator for Texas who actually GIVES A SHIT about Texans.