Yesterday, Congress voted on House Resolution 8373, codifying the right to contraception and birth control. All Democrats and eight Republicans voted for codification, protecting the right for Americans to make their own personal decisions on family planning. The remaining Republicans voted against this bill.
That included the the usual cross-eyed MAGA chuds from the Congressional Troll Caucus – Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, New York’s own Elise Stefanik.
Yes, Elise Stefanik. The woman who had such a big hissy fit over a satirical Times Union blog that she convinced the TU to shut down their entire blog portal. Yeah, her.
So what does this bill entail?
Well, it allows the safe and legal use and access of various birth control devices, including birth control pills and IUD’s. It also allows for health care providers to offer contraceptive equipment upon request.
But see, here’s the thing that these Republicans hasn’t gotten through their MAGA-infested skulls.
Those “contraceptives” aren’t just for women.
Men can also use contraceptives. Yeah, it’s true, Elise.
A man can, to this day, legally acquire male contraception. That male contraception often comes with names like Trojan or Club.
That’s right. I’m talking about condoms. Whether they’re natural or latex or “ribbed for pleasure,” condoms, when used safely and properly, are a very effective anti-pregnancy device. And it’s one of the few devices out there that a man can use.
So follow the logic here. Condoms are contraceptive devices. And Republicans voted against the legal distribution of contraceptive devices.
Again, I’m speaking from the man’s perspective. Are you mature enough to have respect for your sexual partner? Are you MAN enough to be a man about this?
Because when that baby is born, you’re responsible. You’re as responsible as the woman you impregnated. You’re responsible for that child’s food and clothing and health and care. And if you and that child’s mother break up, you’re also responsible for spousal support and child support.
Do you really want Republicans telling you, “Sorry, bro, that raincoat you’re sporting is illegal.”
That’s right, men. These Republicans voted against your right to protect yourself against unplanned pregnancies. Because 100% of all unplanned pregnancies are created by men.
And these MAGA bonkbrains could argue, “Well, condoms are exempt because they also protect against STD’s and the like.”
Well, that’s true. Condoms can give women protection from a man’s STD’s. So it’s a protective device for women as well. Unless Republicans support the widespread reappearance of syphilis and gonorrhea.
So just remember this, men. These Republicans are not just targeting women’s reproductive rights.
They’re coming after your reproductive rights as well. And do you really want Elise Stefanik to determine what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom? Do you want Matt Gaetz to legislate on what you can do behind closed doors?
Or maybe we should have one of the condom manufacturers make a special commemorative run of Republican-based condom packets. That’s right. Noting will prevent a couple from having quality sex than seeing a pack of Marjorie Taylor Greene condoms. Yep, putting her face on the condom packet will guarantee that both partners will be adequately turned off. And these “anti-sex” Republican condom packets can come in different strengths. You could get the Louie Goehmert pack (dumb fuck), the Lauren Boebert pack (cross-eyed dumb fuck), or the Paul Gosar pack (clueless fuck).
But yeah. This is just a reminder that birth control and contraceptive rights are for all people. They’re for men AND for women.
Think about that when you vote this year.
And tell these MAGA chuds to keep their hands and their laws off your privates.