Capping my Facebook Friends

I got involved with Facebook about a year ago, when some of the players I know from the Premier Basketball League “friended” me.  So I joined.  And eventually I began “friending” people as well.  I played card games on Facebook, I shared some of my photos on Facebook, I got back in touch with college and high school friends, and made great new friends as well.  I never got into Farmville or Mafia Wars or any of the other online gaming communities associated with Facebook, but I did play plenty of games of Uno and Farkle and Trivia Whiz.  Hey, gotta keep the brain cells functioning.

But now I have to make a decision.

This is a personal decision for me, and it concerns how I view Facebook and what it can do.  While I’ve found people that I’ve lost contact with all those years ago, I’ve also run into people whose whereabouts I didn’t ever want to find.  That’s part of Facebook’s charm – and its curse.  Facebook will recommend friends, based on whether they’re friends with your friends.  They’ll also recommend people that you know, even if being in the same room with them will make your skin boil.

The problem is – some of those people on Facebook want to be my friend, with their reasoning only based on some Facebook program called the “Invite Tool,” where they think that my interests equal their interests – even though they don’t speak English and their Facebook page is full of links to get-rich-quick websites.  Sort of like how, when I went to college, the dormitory department selected my roommate based on the fact that we both lived in the Northeast and didn’t smoke.  Needless to say, I moved out of the dorm room three months into my freshman year.

So at this point in my life, I need to make Facebook work for me – instead of having me work for Facebook.

As of today, I have approximately 130 “friends.”  That would make for one hell of a Valentine’s Day card exchange if we were all in grade school together.  With that in mind, I have decided to put a personal cap on the number of Facebook friends that I have.  That cap will be 150 total friends.

And you say, “Chuck, what’s the big deal, I have 700 friends and there’s never a problem.”

Yes.  But can you say that you personally know the 700 friends that you have?  That you can chat with them on the Facebook IM program and have a conversation with them?  All of them?  Even if it’s an “I can’t talk now, but it’s good to hear from you” conversation?

I can do that with my friends.  And they can do that with me.

But I can’t have people come to me and say, “So-and-so wants to be your friend, even though back in grade school they were part of the group that used to beat you up after class.”  I don’t need Facebook friends like that.

I can’t have people come to me and say, “This relative wants to be your friend, even though at your mother’s funeral he specifically and deliberately told you not to be in the family photo at the post-funeral gathering.”  I don’t need Facebook friends like that.

I can’t have people come to me and say, “This person from an organization you once worked for wants to be your friend, even though they took credit and won an award for the work that you did.”  I don’t need Facebook friends like that.

For me, it’s not a race to see how many friends I can amass. Believe me, I appreciate the Facebook friends that I have.  And I have room to add at least 20 more if I so choose.

But after that, I have to get selective.  Are we “friending” because we haven’t seen each other since college, or are we “friending” because I’m on someone else’s list and got invited via an “invite tool”?  Are we “friending” because we’ve worked together on projects in the past, or are we “friending” so that you can bombard me with your get-rich-quick schemes from downtown Istanbul?

My 150-friend limit is not set in stone.  I could increase it to 200 friends tomorrow.  Or I might keep that 150-person limit for as long as Facebook operates.  But I need to take control of my account.

It’s part of taking control of my life.