Dave Matthews and Lil Jon recording together? YES!!

Yeah, sorta.

See, there’s this little thing in popular music called the duet.  And in many cases, if the artists aren’t in the same studio together, sometimes the producer can create a duet where none existed.  This has been accomplished in the past, most notably in pop songs like the 1978 ballad “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers,” where an enterprising disc jockey blended solo versions by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand into a duet (later on, the two singers did record an official “duet” version of the song).

Sometimes it’s harder to get both artists in the same studio, especially when one of them has passed away.  Still, we’ve had edited duets as Nat King Cole sang “Unforgettable” with his daughter Natalie Cole; and Hank Williams Sr. joined Hank Williams Jr. with the song “There’s a Tear in My Beer.”  Heck, there was actually a 45 of Jim Reeves and Patsy Cline singing “Have You Ever Been Lonely,” despite the fact that neither artist recorded together during their lifetimes, and the duet was created in a recording studio 25 years after they were both DEAD.

Today, thanks to the tools of digital audio software and a lot of ingenuity, there are hundreds of enterprising young producers who will take Song “A” from an artist – maybe an a cappella lyric or a melody – and solder it to the drum beat or the guitar riff of Song “B”.  Sometimes the pieces fit together, sometimes it sounds like your car fan belts are out of alignment.  Artists like DJ DangerMouse and DJ Scott Porter have become Internet stars by merging disparate artists into completely enjoyable melanges – take, for example, the Jay-Z / Beatles mashup that DJ DangerMouse did, where Jay-Z’s “The Black Album” was soldered to the Beatles’ “The White Album” and became “The Grey Album.”  In fact, here’s a track of Jay-Z’s “Encore” merged with the Beatles’ “Glass Onion,” which you can hear by clicking at this link.

There’s plenty of these “mash-ups” floating around the internet, most of them can be found on YouTube clips that stay up until one of the music companies has the video taken down due to copyright infringement.  But until those videos are taken down, let’s see what these little mix-masters have come up with – and how far away in musical styles the two artists or groups are, before they’re merged into a sonic symbiosis.

ARTIST 1 – OutKast

Popular duo from a few years ago… had a great song called “Hey Ya” which was played to death on every radio station short of WGY.  So what if OutKast was merged with an iconic British rock band with its own flamboyant lead singer… And now on stage… OutKast versus Queen, with the hit song “Hey We Will Rock Ya!”

ARTIST 2 – Katy Perry

That’s right, miss pop pin-up gets to spend a few minutes with an American rock band with their own theatrical style… And now rising up the pop charts, it’s Katy Perry versus Kiss, with “I Was Hot ‘n Cold for Loving You!”

ARTIST 3 – Michael Jackson

Honestly, I shouldn’t do this, considering I’m writing this column to appear on the one-year anniversary of his death.  But how can I resist when I hear Michael Jackson teaming up with Lars Ulrich and James Hetfield… with their new hit “Sandman’s Scream!”

ARTIST 4 – 50 Cent

So let’s see what kind of music we can give Mr. Curtis Jackson… I’m not calling him “Fitty.”  The only artists that should be called “Fitty” should have the word “Slick” as a prefix.  But anyways… I think 50 Cent needs to channel his inner Australian… who can it be now… oh yeah… “Down In Da Club!”

ARTIST 5 – Ke$ha

Considering this artist has about as much talent as the person who programs her Auto-Tune, and her melodies sound like they were copped from 8-bit Super Mario games, I think Kesha needs to be merged with someone who can actually sing… Someone whose music has enjoyed a renaissance over the years… A nice young British lad with an infectious pop hit… And now, the hits just keep on coming, as Ke$ha teams up with Rick Astley for the Top 10 song “Never Gonna Tik Tok You Up!”

ARTIST 6 – Taylor Swift

Ah, sweet, innocent Taylor Swift.  Break up with her and she’ll write a song about you.  Steal her thunder at an MTV award and she’ll write a song about you and perform it on Saturday Night Live.  Taylor’s a good songwriter, don’t get me wrong, but she needs to collaborate with one of the iconic poets of the 1990’s.  Remember what I said about artists getting mashed up with dead people?  Hope Courtney Love doesn’t find out about this duet… “Smells Like It’s Fearless!”

ARTIST 7 – Kanye West

What, you thought I was gonna have Kanye and Taylor mash up on a track?  Nah, they’re probably recording one together as we speak.  Instead, I think Kanye needs to team up with a composer whose works are as big as Kanye’s ego.  That being said… bring on Ludwig von Beethoven, and let’s have “A Fifth of Gold Digger!”

ARTIST 8 – Beyonce

A talented singer.  A gifted dancer.  I don’t care how many parodies the “Single Ladies” dance has inspired, it don’t mean anything unless she works with the greatest dance music proponent of the early 1960’s.  That’s right… Come on baby, let’s do “The Twist of Single Ladies!”

ARTIST 9 – Coldplay

Well, considering Coldplay appropriated Kraftwerk’s “Computer Love” for one of their own hits, why not see what would happen if Chris Martin and crew worked with one of the greatest vocal harmony groups of the 1960’s.  And coming in at number 9 on the pop charts, I give you… “Papa Was a Clock!”

ARTIST 10 – Dave Matthews Band

Oh, I had to save this one for last.  Take an early Dave Matthews Band hit, and add some crunk to it.  Yeahssss… Crank it up!  “Ants Get Low!”