Brandon Mendelson is a fellow member of the TU blogging community. A few weeks ago, he wrote a very interesting piece in which he compared the Amazon Kindle e-reader to Apple’s iPad.
Although I enjoyed his article and his comparison of the two digital products, I had a big problem with his use of the word “retarded.” He used it in the headline of the article, and he used it at least three times in the body of the piece.
When I mentioned that I thought the use of the word “retarded” was not the best choice of syntax in such an article, he stated that two of his brothers were mentally challenged, and that they actually laugh at the use of the word “retarded” in everyday conversation.
Well, he’s not the only TU blogger with a challenged relative.
One year after I was born, my brother John Kennedy Miller entered the world. Yes, he was named after the slain president, as were a million babies born after that tragedy.
There was a complication in John’s birth – he was either delivered with forceps or he didn’t get enough oxygen upon birth, the stories conflict every time someone tells it – but the fact of the matter was, he suffered a developmental disability. He’s currently a functioning adult, but like most of my family members, I’ve grown away from them.
It wasn’t easy being a big brother to a kid who had a mental deficiency, and in some of the neighborhoods where I grew up, the kids teased and picked on him – and, by association, picked on me as well. “You’re a retard,” the kids would say to him. “You’re slow, you’re stupid,” and then they’d turn to me and say, “if he’s your brother, you’re probably a retard too, it just hasn’t hit you yet. But it will.”
Think about that when you’re in grade school and you hear that. Tell me that doesn’t stick in the back of your mind like lumpy oatmeal.
I had enough issues to deal with growing up. And things didn’t get any better.
The last time I saw John was at my mother’s funeral in 2006. Before then, there were a few infrequent family functions. There are a lot of fences that have to be mended. But that will take place on another day.
But I’m not the only person in the TU blog community – I’m sure there are other bloggers and posters who are either related to, or who know personally, someone with a developmental disability or who has special needs. And I’m sure many of those families go through days of joy and days of heartbreak – and the word “retarded” is not part of their family vocabulary.
Speaking personally, I never thought it was acceptable conversation to call someone a “retard” any more than finding any shred of acceptability in calling someone of Italian descent a “guido” or calling a follower of Islam a “towel head.” And being related to someone with special needs or who has developmental disabilities does not give you the license to use the word “retard” any more than suggesting the word “faggot” is okay to add to your vernacular because some of your best friends are gay. It’s wrong, and it won’t be right ever again.
It’s the same reason the Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities has changed their name to the Office for People with Developmental Disabilities. It’s the same reason the Black Eyed Peas have a Top 10 hit with “Let’s Get It Started,” and not a Top 10 hit with “Let’s Get Retarded.”
There are words in our culture that are so offensive, so hurtful, so demeaning and so vulgar, that even TRYING to find a reason to use them demonstrably in this blog is making my stomach twinge in a very bad way.
Language can hurt as much as a punch. Take it from someone who still suffers the slings and slices of semantic scars.
The minute you have to use the word “retard” or “faggot” or “guido” or any other vulgar sobriquet to make your point … then your point has been lost.
Chuck The Writer 
Chuck,
Excellent post. Do you know that Special Olympics started a campaign two years ago to get folks to stop using the ‘r-word’? I teach Publiic Relations at the University at Albany and use their campaign in my class. It’s a great campaign and folks can check it out here: http://www.r-word.org/ I think it’s also very important to point out that just because people WITHIN a community use a slang word, does not give those of us OUTSIDE the community the right to use the word. WITHIN the community, the word is being used to minimize it’s power; OUTSIDE the community, the word’s usage is hurtful and bigoted(intentionally or not). So thank you for bringing up about the r-word and reminding us that what we say matters!
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Excellent, excellent post!!! You nailed it on the head when you established that there are terms that are forever tainted and will never be able to be used in their definable sense, again. They carry too much “baggage” in current culture, and they need to be relegated to the work graveyard.
It’s interesting to discover everyone’s threshold. Some people may adamantly oppose the use of the N-word or the F-word, but freely use the R-word. It all depends on personal experience and life situation.
My hope is that people mature enough to take the responsibility to stop using some of these terms without feeling that they are riding a “Politically Correct” roller coaster. I’m not a fan of the massive PCing of America either, but at least hit the basics and crawl out of insensitive ignorance.
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Chuck,
I am actually quite disappointed with your use of the phrase “you don’t get to use those words.”
In this country, you do not get to tell people which words they can and can’t use. The First Amendment is not there to protect amiable speech. It is there to protect speech that may be perceived as hateful, angry, ignorant, etc.
Now, a separate point:
The term “retarded,” in particular, was accepted vernacular. In this context, retardation is defined as “slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc.” (dictionary.com). This was a scientifically used term, to describe people who were mentally disabled.
Does changing the term to “developmentally disabled” really change anything? Fundamentally, both terms are being used to describe someone who has a problem of some kind, and that, in itself, is enough to offend some people. If we do change the term to “developmentally disabled,” when kids start calling them “Double D’s,” will we then have to change the term again to protect feelings?
The fact is, people can be very cruel. No matter what term is used, people are going to find some way to make fun. Why anyone would make fun of someone who is in some way disabled, I have no idea.
I do not want to sound unsympathetic, because I feel great sympathy for you and your brother, and anyone else who has such problems. However, debating over terminology is not helping anyone. No matter how it is worded, some people are always going to be offended, and other people will find some way to make fun.
-Wayne
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