“Chuck Miller’s lifeless body – here … on the Situation!”

I like watching the Glenn Slingerland Situation.  What’s not to like?  Way-cool music, hipster humor, hot chicks in black skirts and sunglasses…

The show is a great Sunday evening diversion on WNYA MyNetwork 4, and I also enjoy the rebroadcasts on Sunday morning.  For those who haven’t watched the show, it’s a half-hour hipster program featuring jazz and R&B and alternative music, all punctuated with home-made music videos and satirical splendor.

And realistically, it’s the last remaining Capital Region locally-produced variety program – and dig the sponsorships by Morrette’s King Steak Sandwiches on Erie Boulevard, the Toll Gate Ice Cream shoppe on New Scotland Road in Slingerlands, and the Blue 82 bar in downtown Albany.  So what’s not to like?

If you’ve never seen The Glenn Slingerland Situation, here’s a YouTube clip of what to expect.

The first time I ever name-checked the Glenn Slingerland Situation in my Times Union blog was in October of 2009, when I did a list of “You know you’ve lived in Albany your whole life” trivia tips.  The GSS  was the answer to Question #5.

Anyways, one time after hearing ad infinitum (more like ad nauseum) about the Jersey Shore castmember Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, I posted a Facebook status that essentially said, “The only real Situation on TV should have the words Glenn Slingerland attached to it.”

That caught the attention of Glenn Slingerland, and we started chatting.

I asked if there was an opening for me to appear on one of the Glenn Slingerland Situation music videos.

He said there might be, that I should keep my eyes open.

And on October 12, he sent me a Facebook message.

“Tomorrow, 4:30 pm, show up at the I-890 underpass next to Erie Boulevard in Schenectady.  Wear black.  Bring sunglasses.  Glenn.”

Well now.  Methinks I can handle this.

Wednesday afternoon, October 13.  I show up at the shooting location – the underpass of I-890, just between Erie Boulevard and the General Electric plant.  I’m wearing enough black clothing to co-star against  Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith; instead of buying sunglasses to replace my eyeglasses, I purchased a pair of $20 Polarized wraparounds that fit over my prescription eyewear.  That way, I could wear them for driving once this video shoot ended.

Just then, two cars pulled up to the shooting location.  Glenn Slingerland and one of the models (“Casey”) got out of one car; the other car contained Slingerland’s videographer Howard Plum and another model (“Sara”).  A third model, “Vanessa,” arrived a few minutes later.

This is great.

We talked about what was going to happen in the scene.  Glenn and Howard filmed the Situation Stars running and walking and doing various things.

He then handed me a tiny toy.  It was a small carved wooden barrel, about the size of a peach.  This toy barrel is a significant part of the show – the little barrel has appeared in the lion’s share of Glenn Slingerland Situation music videos.  Spotting the barrel in a Glenn Slingerland Situation video is like spotting the “NINA” in an Al Hirshfeld drawing, or observing the Observer in an episode of Fringe.  For all I know, the barrel probably has Ace Clayton’s teeth marks on it.  I didn’t check.

The Slingerland crew filmed some more clips of the Situation Stars running.  I watched.

“Okay Chuck,” said Glenn, “here’s what we want you to do.”

Oh boy oh boy, I get my big scene with the Situation Stars, this is gonna be great –

“You lie down on the ground and be dead.”

Wait wait – I lie down on the where and do what??

“Yep.  You’re the focal point of the music video.  The girls are drawn to you, because you have something they’re looking for.  And you’re dead.”

Wonderful.  I’m dead.  Do you know how many trivia teams in the Capital District have been waiting to hear the words “Chuck’s dead”??

But you know what – it’s all good.  How may actors out there have gotten their SAG card as “Dead Body #3” on CSI or “Murder Victim #2” on Law & Order?

So I did what I was told to do.  I laid down on the ground, my arms and legs spread akimbo.  I tried to control my breathing, so that the camera wouldn’t see my lungs expanding or contracting with each breath.  I even bit my cheek slightly to keep myself from giggling.  Dead means dead.

Glenn filmed the girls running up to me.  He had them do this several times.  They ran up to my lifeless prone body.  Casey picked up the little wooden barrel from my possession and ran away with it.

Apparently it will all make sense in the editing room.

I was on the ground for maybe 15, 20 minutes.  Through it all, Glenn and Howard were complete professionals – filming everything on the fly, working with the models, everything in control.  All I had to do was lay there and play dead.  Which apparently I can do very well.

So anyway, my debut on The Glenn Slingerland Situation – as “Dead Body #1” – is scheduled for this Sunday, November 7th at 11:00 p.m. on MyNetwork 4, WNYA Albany.

Now you laugh, but just remember – Jimmy Fallon got his start in a homemade local variety show, I think it was called Metroland’s Loose Camera or something like that.  Okay, yeah, Jimmy Fallon was younger than me… and funnier than me… and better looking than me…

But Jimmy Fallon never got to hold the barrel.  And I did.  Hee.