“God wants to be friends on Facebook.”

It was a strange and unexpected request.  I was on Facebook, playing another round of QRANK trivia (9,000 points, beat that), when I got a message for a friend request.

I try to keep an eye on my friend requests – I need to make sure it’s actually someone I know, whether it’s involving my freelance work, my trivia contacts, someone who reads the blog, etc.  I keep a self-enforced limit of 150 Facebook friends, and I was currently at 149 friends.

I looked to see who was sending the request.

“God wants to be friends on Facebook.”

God.

Right.  Sure it’s God.  Okay, who’s goofing on me?

So, just for a lark, I looked at God’s “status” on Facebook.  Apparently God has four billion “friends” that follow him. I checked out his vitals. Relationship: Creator. Siblings: Son, Jesus; also creator of Adam and Eve. Last known job – playing the role of John Facenda in those old NFL Films clips.  Contact e-mail: god@heaven.org.

Now THAT’S networking.

Okay, what the heck, it’s probably a promotional gimmick for a movie or something.  Maybe they’re remaking that 70’s flick with George Burns and John Denver.  Or maybe they’re looking at filming something more reverent, like one of those “sword and sandals” pictures from back in the day.

So I “friended” God.

I immediately received a Facebook IM.

GOD: Good morning, my child.
CHUCK MILLER: gm - God, is it?
GOD: Yes, my son, it is God.
CHUCK MILLER: Right.
GOD: You don't believe me.
CHUCK MILLER: You're not giving me much to believe you are
who you say you are.
GOD: What can I do to convince you that I am who I am?
CHUCK MILLER: Well, if you are God, what do you know about me
that nobody else knows?
GOD: You mean besides what you've said in your blog?
CHUCK MILLER: Go for it.
GOD: And nothing that your friends or family know?
CHUCK MILLER: Nobody.  If you are truly the Lord Almighty,
here's your chance to prove it.
GOD: I know that you've gone through some very tough times
in your life.
CHUCK MILLER: Anyone who reads the blog knows this.
GOD: I know that you've felt like you have no one to turn to.
CHUCK MILLER: Again, the blog.
GOD: And I know what you said to me when your grandmother died. Back
in 2007.  I know you cared about her very much.
CHUCK MILLER: Yes, I still miss my Grandma Betty.  So ... what
did I supposedly say to you about that?
GOD: You asked me why I hated you.
CHUCK MILLER: I - I never told anyone that.  Not a soul.  I said it -
GOD: You said it after the funeral.  You didn't want anyone to know
how much you missed her.
CHUCK MILLER: She was the one adult figure I had who always looked
out for me.  She lived to be 96.  I couldn't let her see me crying
like a baby at her funeral.
GOD: But afterward, on your way back from the funeral, you
pulled over at a rest area on the Massachusetts Turnpike, and
you cried in your car - I think it was your old Pontiac - and
you asked me, "God, why do you hate me so much?"
CHUCK MILLER: I didn't tell anybody that.  Not even on the blog.
GOD: You often ask about whether I hate you.  You say that when
things go wrong.  You seem to think I hate you, that I put you
on this Earth so that I could have something to laugh at.
CHUCK MILLER: Let's face it.  I wasn't supposed to be here in the
first place.
GOD: And yet, here you are.
CHUCK MILLER: Go on.  You've got my attention.
GOD: I know.  I don't have to read your blog to know how much
pain you're in.  I knew how much stress you were in before you ever
started writing a blog.
CHUCK MILLER: Okay, so why are you contacting me?
GOD: You need to know you are not alone in this world.
CHUCK MILLER: And why are you contacting me through Facebook, of
all things?
GOD: That's what you were doing at the moment when I wanted to
speak with you.
CHUCK MILLER: And you're going to tell me that you're supposedly
watching over me, and you're making sure I'm okay.  Right.
I know.  You work in strange and mysterious ways, blah blah blah.
GOD: It's not that I'm looking over you.  But you need to know
that you have people looking over you.
CHUCK MILLER: Like who?
GOD: Your friends.  The friends you've made over the years.
The friends you made at Hamilton College.  The teachers who guided
you on your way through school.  Your friends when you go out to play
team trivia.  Your friends in that basketball league.  People you don't
even know, who care about you.  So help me me, I've lost count of how
many times you've dropped whatever you're doing to help someone else
in their crisis.  Or when you've gone without so that someone else
won't go hungry.  They don't forget.  And neither do I.
CHUCK MILLER: Keep going.  I'm listening.
GOD: I know you're not perfect.  It's all right.  You're not supposed
to be perfect.  And you've made mistakes in the past.  But you've done
whatever you could to atone for those mistakes.  You've done what you
could to repair the damage.  You've done more to keep the damage from
continuing for future generations.  And you can't keep looking down
on yourself because something happened a year or a decade or a
generation ago.
CHUCK MILLER: Why are you telling me all this?
GOD: You need to hear it.  So many people care about you.  And you
need to know that they will be there for you, without question, if you
need them.
CHUCK MILLER: So why me?  There are a billion other people who could
use your help.  I'm just one person.
GOD: Yes.  You are one person. But you are as important as anybody
else to me.  Yes, as you would say, I work in strange and mysterious
ways.  I don't have to have everything turn out with a happy ending.
But I also don't want anyone to think that they've been abandoned.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "Whoever saves one life, saves
the world entire?"
CHUCK MILLER: In a movie somewhere, I think.
GOD: Schindler's List.  For someone who claims to be a trivia
champion, you should have known that.
CHUCK MILLER: Okay...
GOD: You don't know how many times your choices in life have made
the world better for others, Chuck.  Do you remember when you were
driving back from Rochester after a PBL basketball game in 2008?
CHUCK MILLER: It was a long trip, and I wanted to stop at my college
and watch a basketball game there.
GOD: And you decided to photograph the game while you were there.
CHUCK MILLER: Yeah, I had my old Nikon D70.
GOD: And you saw someone in the stands having trouble with their
camera.
CHUCK MILLER: Their batteries had run down.  And they had traveled
all the way from somewhere to see their son in action.  He was
starting that game.  I remember that.
GOD: You walked over and asked the parents which player was their
son.  And you took one of your computer chips and put it in your
camera, and you took a hundred photographs of their son in action.
CHUCK MILLER: And - and I gave them the chip after the game.
GOD: You never told anybody you did that.  A random act of kindness.
CHUCK MILLER: They were so proud of their son.  I think he scored ten
points in the game.
GOD: You just gave them the chip.  You don't even know who they are
and you never met them again.  But they now have great photographs
of their son playing for his college team.
CHUCK MILLER: That was just a random act of kindness.  Anybody
would have done that.
GOD: Anybody didn't do it.  YOU did it.
CHUCK MILLER: I guess you're right.
GOD: Chuck, you may never know how your actions affect others in your
lifetime.  But know this - no matter how many times you think
you've screwed up, no matter how many times you think the world
has fallen down around your ears, you have made an impact.  You
can't see the positive things you've done, because you're so busy
kicking yourself over the negative things.  You're not perfect,
but you have done your best. Your family and your friends will always
know you're someone they can count on.
CHUCK MILLER: But I'm not a hero.
GOD: I know.  But sometimes you need to know that you're not a
horrible person.  You are a committed, dedicated person who won't
stop until you accomplish a goal.  You may not understand things
in the big picture, but what you've done in 47 years - and what
you're going to do for the rest of your life - the kindness you've
bestowed on people, the self-sacrifice and willingness to provide
for others means you've made this world a better place than if
you hadn't been here.  You try to do right.  You try to help.
Don't hate yourself when it doesn't work.  Keep moving forward.
CHUCK MILLER: But why is it so hard?  Why is everything so hard
to understand and to comprehend?
GOD: Life is hard.  It's not supposed to be easy.  And yes,
the answers you seek might not be there in front of you, as clear
as newsprint.  But the one thing you have going for you, is that
you won't let trouble block your path any more.  And with every
step forward, it's with the understanding that those who care
about you will walk with you - just as you will walk with them
when they need your help.
CHUCK MILLER: I don't know what to say.  I just don't - I'm sorry,
I just - oh God, I'm babbling - and I'm babbling in front of God.
GOD: You don't have to say anything.  Just know that I don't hate
you, and that despite what you may think, your existence on this
earth wasn't a mistake or an accident.  I believe you can do your
best, just like I believe in the good nature of every living,
breathing creature upon this planet.  Don't ever believe that
you're not loved.  Don't ever believe that no one cares.
CHUCK MILLER: But ... if you're really God, there's so many other
questions I want to ask - about my grandmother and friends that
have passed away -
GOD: Not here.  Sometimes you just have to believe that the world
can be a better place.  And I know that you can make the world
a better place, Chuck.  Even if you don't believe it yourself.
CHUCK MILLER: But I - I just - I want to know -
GOD: I have to go now.  But always know that you are loved and that
people care about you.  Peace be with you.
(God is offline)

.

And just like that, it was over.  I thought I was dreaming.  But the chat text was still on the screen.

I cut and pasted it to Notepad.

This morning, I woke up and checked my Facebook status. I noticed that I was down to 149 friends, a one-person drop from my personally-imposed maximum of 150 friends.

I also had a message in my inbox.

Chuck: I just want you to know that I don't have to be a "facebook" friend
to be your friend.  Whenever you think you've got no one to turn to,
I'll be there.  Just like I'll be there for anybody else who is in need.

Peace be with you.
God

P.S.: I love that photo you took of the star trails at St. Agnes Cemetery.
Can I order one for my office?  Just send it care of Bishop Hubbard...