The Rebecca Black “Friday” song – worst ever, or not even close?

I’ll admit it.  My musical taste is different from yours.   It’s probably different from anyone else’s in the entire world.  I enjoy certain genres, I enjoy certain artists.  A great melody, a stirring beat, wry lyrics, they all go a long way for me.

Which is why I was surprised to hear, over the weekend, about a song by a new teen singer named Rebecca Black.

And the venom associated with the song.

I mean, come on. Japan’s on the brink of a nuclear meltdown, the Dalai Lama is stepping down as the leader of the exiled Tibetan government, Libya’s in a civil war, Egypt is a mess, and downtown Albany is dealing with the aftermath of Kegs and Eggs.  And what are people talking about today?  This song by Rebecca Black that would make Burt Bacharach turn in his ASCAP membership in protest.

All right.  First things first.  Here’s the song by Rebecca Black.  It’s called “Friday.”  Without any prejudgment, take a listen.

My personal thoughts… We’re not talking “Smells Like Teen Spirit” or “Subterranean Homesick Blues” here.  There’s as much auto-tune in her voice as an in an episode of Glee.  The video itself looks like a pastiche of the worst video cliches of the past 25 years.

But here’s the thing.

This record wasn’t designed for my generation, any more than the stuff put out by Justin Bieber or Grayson Hugh or Willow Smith.  This song is teen-pop aimed for the pre-tween audience, the same kids that watch those Disney Channel teen sitcoms.  “Friday” is a cheap pop confection, the same type of pop junk food that has permeated rock and roll like gingivitis for the past 50 years.  Ten years ago, it was New Kids on the Block and LFO and O-Town.  Twenty years ago, it was Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.  Before that, it was Leif Garrett and Donny Osmond; it was Fabian and Bobby Rydell and Pat Boone.

Popular music goes through these ebbs and flows; we have to suffer through “Bobby Sox to Stockings” before we get “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.”  We have to hear the collected oeuvre of Bobby Sherman before we get Grand Funk.  We have to hear Kwame before we get Tupac.

And it’s not like there hasn’t been viral videos that have exploded onto our consciousness – I’m sure you still remember such classics as “Chocolate Rain” and “United Breaks Guitars” and “All Your Base Are Belong to Us,” as well as that Numa Numa chestnut from a few years ago.  “Friday” has been on YouTube for about four days now, and it’s garnered over five million views.  Now whether those views are “Oh my God this song is a trainwreck,” or “Oh my God this girl couldn’t carry a tune in a shopping cart,” who knows.

Now is this the worst song I’ve ever heard?  I’d say it’s at least in the top ten – if you haven’t heard Rodd Keith’s painful song-poems or the dulcet groans of opera singer Florence Foster Jenkins…

You know what?

Let’s compare.

FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS One of the worst opera singers of all time. Listen to her completely destroy this song. Owtch.
RODD KEITH Rodd Keith was one of the performers in the song-poem industry. You sent him your poem and some money, he’d compose a song for you with your poem as its lyrics. The only comparison between him and Brian Wilson was that they were both males.
SAM SACKS This guy recorded an entire album of this stuff. Listen to him mangle the song “Diana.” He has no appreciation of the words “tempo” or “pitch” or much of anything else.
MRS. MILLER I don’t know much about Mrs. Miller, but I am so glad that I’m not related to her. At least I keep my singing to my three most appreciative audiences – my steering wheel, my shower head and my computer monitor.
DON HOWARD True story. I once interviewed radio personality Casey Kasem, and one of the questions I asked him was what was the worst song he ever heard. Without missing a beat, he quickly mentioned this chestnut by 50’s singer Don Howard. And you know what? He’s right.
HAYSI FANTAYZEE This British New Wave group was just awful. Seriously awful. I couldn’t figure out if they were in on the joke or not. And yes, the song is called “John Wayne is Big Leggy.” That sound you hear is me bashing my head against the door frame.

So then.  After hearing representative tracks from the worst performers of all time, is Rebecca Black’s “Friday” among the worst?  Or does she still have a long way to go to reach the Hall of Shame populated by the singers listed above?