Okay, break out the ibuprofen. This is gonna hurt.
There are songs that are sacrosanct. They are the perfect melodies and the perfect memories. You can’t imagine anyone else but Elvis Presley recording “Jailhouse Rock.” You can’t imagine anyone but Kurt Cobain singing “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Right? Right.
That, however, has not stopped some artists from trying to cover these legendary songs – whether as jokes or as valiant reinterpretations. At which point you start to hear this song and, within five seconds, are furiously fumbling for the car stereo controls, trying to squelch this sonic sandpaper siren.
Trust me, there are plenty of godawful cover versions of the greatest songs ever. Here are ten. Pray that I don’t increase this list to twenty.
LOVE WILL TEAR US APART
Originally recorded by Joy Division
Covered by Paul Young
Yes, THAT Paul Young. “Everytime You Go Away” Paul Young. “Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home)” Paul Young. He made a career out of soulful reinterpretations of lesser-known songs. If Ian Curtis was alive today and heard this version… he’d kill himself again.
BLACK HOLE SUN
Originally recorded by Soundgarden
Covered by Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme
Laugh if you must, but could you imagine Chris Cornell at the jazz room in the Fountainbleu, performing this song for the “after midnight” retirees? Me neither.
SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT
Originally recorded by Nirvana
Covered by Paul Anka
Somewhere in that dark night, Courtney Love is cringing at this version of her late husband’s greatest hit – cringing all the way to the bank to cash another royalty check.
BABY I LOVE YOUR WAY
Originally recorded by Peter Frampton
FREEBIRD
Originally recorded by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Both songs in a melody by Will to Power
Somewhere in the fifth circle of Hell, this song is on an endless soundtrack loop.
BORN TO RUN
Originally recorded by Bruce Springsteen
Covered by Frankie Goes To Hollywood
You know why Frankie Goes To Hollywood didn’t have twenty years of major pop hits? Because they covered this song. Memo to Holly Johnson – stop. Please stop. Please please stop.
I SAW HER STANDING THERE
Originally recorded by the Beatles
Covered by Tiffany
I can’t confirm this, but apparently at the national convention known as the Fest for Beatles Fans, copies of this record are used as targets for skeet shooting.
SWEET CHILD O’ MINE
Originally recorded by Guns ‘n Roses
Covered by Sheryl Crow
Okay, last year’s performance of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” at the Super Bowl halftime show by Fergie was painful enough, but this version surpasses it by at least twelve country miles.
WHY DO FOOLS FALL IN LOVE
Originally recorded by Frankie Lymon and the Teen-Agers
Covered by Diana Ross
This is not fair. No no no no. Memo to Diana Ross – go call up Mary Wilson, beg for forgiveness, then go call Cindy Birdsong, beg for forgiveness, and the three of you get back together and record some new material as the Supremes. Instead of this tripe.
YOU KEEP ME HANGING ON
Originally recorded by Diana Ross and the Supremes
Covered by Kim Wilde
See, Diana? This is what it sounds like when one of your classic songs gets mangled beyond all possible recognition.
MOUTHFUL OF DIAMONDS
Originally recorded by Phantogram
Covered by some guy with a YouTube account named Brrizzayy
He labeled this video as “Try 2.” God, I hope there isn’t footage of Try 1. And dear readers, just be thankful I didn’t subject you to the indie-alt girl who covered “As Far As I Can See” as a lullaby. Oh heck, go to this link if you’re feeling masochistic.
I’m sure there are other tracks that can be added to this list… so feel free to contribute. All right here on K-Chuck Radio!!
Chuck The Writer 
How about the Bay City Rollers’, uh, “interesting” take on one of my all-time favorites — Dusty Springfield’s “I Only Wanna Be With You”?
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Jay – I might get shot for saying this, but I actually don’t think that cover is half bad. It’s kitschy, but I think it’s bouncy and listenable.
Will to Power is far and away the worst of this bunch. However, two glaring omissions:
Lenny Kravitz – “American Woman” – Not that The Guess Who are stalwarts of rock, but man was this ever lame.
Madonna – “American Pie” – This one was so bad that I think most people don’t just forget it happened, but will outright deny it. But it happened, and it was awful. It sounded like a drunk chick singing the wrong song accompanied by a Casio keyboard preset.
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for your consideration:
Devo’s version of Satisfaction.
It’s kinda like looking at a car accident, you can’t help it….you have to keep listening….
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No way I am searching for it to hear, but I read that Justin Bieber sang Purple Rain. Poor Prince.
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Devo’s Satisfaction is great! If you want a terrible version of that song, check out one of the Grateful Dead’s performances of it (even though they are my favorite band, it really stinks).
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bangle’s cover of hazy shade of winter…AWFUL.
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Anyone who releases a cover of an Otis Redding song should be shot.
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WHAT?…No…WilliamShatnercovers…I’m…surprised. His…version…of…LucyintheSkywithDiamonds….is…classic…indeed
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Andrea –
That is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard of.
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Almost as bad as N’Sync covering Boston’s More Than A Feeling. Oh God, I can’t believe I just said that. Bad Chuck. Bad, Bad Chuck.
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I just LOVE K-Chuck Radio days! 🙂
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1) Anyone covering Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah that isn’t Jeff Buckley. Its done, please don’t ever do it again.
2) Sean Cassidy covering “Do You Believe In Magic”.. yeah, I had this album. I blame the bad taste on being 8 years old.
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‘Blinded by the Light’, Manfred Mann version. “Wrapped up like a douche.” End of discussion.
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Not really a cover, but the isolated vocal track of Linda McCartney from Hey Jude is the worst sounding thing I’ve ever heard.
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My opinion: Guns and Roses murdering “Live and Let Die”.
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The best “Worst” by far is Gail Farrow and Dick Dale from the Lawrene Welk Show covering Brewer and Shipley’s “One toke over the line” Not only did they have no idea of what they were singing about (Welk called it a modern spiritual),but they look as though they were in some kind of gay 90’s musical.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ye3ecDYxOkg
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Foo Fighters’ cover of “Baker Street”.
Runner up: Michael Bolton’s cover of “When a Man Loves a Woman”.
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ALL of your comment’s amount to a hill a bean’s,none of you are anything and will never amount to anything your opinion’s are based on your sideline lives.Stick to what you do best”nothing”
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