Okay, it’s official. I am a masochist. I keep trying to break through, hoping for an acceptance by The Chance. An acceptance for one day. Just one day. Let me in. Let me try. Don’t keep me out. Don’t block me.
So that’s why, when I saw there was an opportunity for a rare Saturday tryout with The Chance, I had to take it. I don’t care that LarkFest was on the same day. I don’t care that Blotto was on stage. I need to do this. I need to try out for The Chance.
September 17, 2011. Back in the car I go. Back for another try. Back for another journey to New York City.
I don’t know where my mind went… but my usual plan for entering New York City is to drive down the New York State Thruway, take the Palisades Parkway exit, go over the George Washington Bridge, follow the Henry Hudson Parkway, and then drive into Manhattan – a couple of left turns, a couple of rights, find the parking structure next to the offices of the Chance, and all is well.
Except that I missed the Palisades Parkway off-ramp. Dang it. This will teach me to pay more attention to the road.
Now I had to drive all the way down to the end of the New York State Thruway, take the Major Deegan via I-87, go past Yankee Stadium – thankfully the Yankees are away today – and motor through Harlem, then end up on the East Side of Manhattan, when I wanted the West Side. A slight delay, but enough of a delay to get me nervous.
I arrived at the parking facility. 45 minutes to spare. I parked Cardachrome in a secure parking facility. A valet arrived to take my car to a subterranean parking spot.
“You trying again for the Chance, sir?” he asked me.
“How did you know I was – ”
“You’ve been here before,” he said. “I remember you. You drive the blue-green Saturn Ion. Easy to park. Don’t give up. Good luck.”
If I’ve tried for The Chance so many times that even the parking attendant knows who I am… this could surely be a battle of futility on my part.
I waited in line. One by one, more people showed up. “This your first time here?” one of them asked me.
“Yeah,” I lied. “First time.”
“Mine too,” he replied. I bet he’s also lying.
An intern from The Chance came out and checked our driver’s licenses. Then we were herded into the question room, like cattle into a pen. I am given a question form. Thirty questions. Ten minutes. I know the drill. I am assigned number 25. Great. Now I’ve got Edwin Starr’s OTHER hit stuck in my head. Dang it.
Clock starts now.
I look at the questions. Easy. Easy. Piece of cake. Come back to that one in a few minutes. Easy. Very easy. Oh Christ, this was a 4-pointer at Elbo Room a couple of weeks ago. I know I had 28 of the 30 questions out cold.
Time’s up. I hand in my questionnaire and my score sheet.
And then… I’m handed another questionnaire and another score sheet. This time I am number 38. The last time I had to deal with number 38, I was living in Boston and watching cartoons at my Grandma Betty’s house in West Roxbury – on WSBK, Channel 38. Not sure where this second test is going… other than maybe they want to give me a double-test or something. You know, like someone who passes the SAT with a perfect score and the test-givers want to re-test them to make sure no cheating was involved.
Clock starts now.
The questions are tough but fair. Gene Wilder played what candy confectioner? Willy Wonka. Easy. Gary Cooper won an Oscar for what film? High Noon. Got it. Steve Jobs was part of what film company? Pixar. What was the name of the Australian cartoon about a girl in a kangaroo’s pouch? Dot and the Kangaroo. Great film. Come on, can we at least try harder?
Questions are finished.
Clock is finished.
Answer slip and questionnaire are handed up.
More waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Tick tock tick tock.
“Okay, we’ve graded the questions. We will call the following numbers.”
Heart’s beating like a kettledrum.
201. 53. 7. 25. 38. 62.
Hold on – they called 25 AND 38?
FIST PUMP! FIST PUMP! PUMP PUMP PUMP IT UP!!!
I am brought over to another table. Other potential interviewees are brought over as well. We wait. My name is called. I am brought to an interview table.
I talk with the interviewer. She asks me questions. I answer them as positively and I possibly can. This is big. This is as close to the Chance as I have gotten. And I’m running out of chances for the Chance.
“Thank you. We’ll send you a card in three weeks to let you know what we think. Have a good day.”
Now I wait. Again.
And as much as I know there are people who are in my corner, people who are supporting me and hoping that I can get an opportunity, I also know that there are detractors. There are people who would like nothing better than for me to fall flat on my face. To never get an opportunity. Or, if I do get an opportunity, that I would completely embarrass myself, just like they cheered when CoccaDott’s failed on Cupcake Wars. It’s the schadenfreude factor.
The worst feeling in your heart, when you’re trying to achieve a goal, is to know that there are people who are actively rooting against your success. They go by many names – haters, griefers, antagonists. Some have been long-time nemeses, some have developed a Chuck-aversion in a relatively short period of time.
I have to keep focused. I can’t let them win. To let them win is to accept defeat. And I refuse to accept defeat. If you hate me… then hate me all you want. Join the club. There’s a waiting list of people who want to see me fail.
And I hope I disappoint each and every one of you.
===
October 5, 2011. Mailbox. Postcard. From the Chance.
I almost don’t want to look at the card. I know what it will say. I’m trying to remain positive. I’m trying to believe that this time – this time – may be the acceptance. Heck, Al Pacino was nominated several times before he finally won an Oscar. Susan Lucci was nominated what, eighteen times before she won an Emmy? They persevered and they got through.
Please let me get through.
I turn the postcard over, carefully savoring the anticipation of the answer.
“Thank you for your interest in becoming a contestant on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire.” You have not been selected to be a potential contestant. We appreciate your continued interest in the show and thank you for taking the time to audition with us. Game sponsor reserves the right to limit the number of times a person may attempt to qualify for the show to five times per year. For official rules, please visit http://www.millionairetv.com.”
Oh come on. Come ON! COME ON!!! Damn it damn it damn it damn it damn it!!
And for a few minutes, that wasn’t what I saw on the paper. My eyes saw those words, but my brain translated the words into something else… something that truly spoke to how I felt at that very moment.
“And look, Chuck Miller wasted all that time on a beautiful Saturday morning to drive down to New York City and get flat-out rejected again. HA HA HA HA HA!!! You brain-dead yutz, you aren’t getting on our program, no way, no how. You compare your attempts to Al Pacino and Susan Lucci? Puh-leeze. At least they have talent and people like them. You? Oh for two in that category. And what is this, your fourth attempt this year? Don’t even BOTHER trying to come down here for a fifth time. You aren’t getting on this show. You know who we’d rather have than you? That D357 guy that comments on your blog. I understand his team beat you TWICE at a trivia tournament in Saratoga Springs. That makes him better than you, crumbcake. You could be the smartest guy in the room, and that still wouldn’t get you past our screening process. And you know what our first rule of screening is? Don’t let Chuck Miller in. And that’s why you’re staying out. Have a nice day – you loser.”
Another rejection by The Chance. Fourth one this year.
Another return to the starting line. Fifth time this year.
All the haters are celebrating my failure.
Fine. Get your celebrations out of the way now.
Because I’m trying again. And I’ll keep trying until I get through that door.
I have to. I have to do this. I will do this. Because there’s no reason why I can’t do this.
I have one more attempt left this year. One more try.
I don’t care if it’s one more try or one hundred more tries.
Every time I fail, I will blog about the failure.
Because I know that someday I will write the blog that says, “I succeeded.”
Chuck The Writer 
Don’t give up Chuck! You can do it! I admire your tenacity and courage. Although I am not a commenter, I read your blog faithfully. You are a fantastic writer, trivia player, photographer and all around good guy. Keep the faith!
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You’ve gone further than thousands of other contestants. Your imaginary comments are hilarious, but I think that even the people who aren’t your biggest fans would root for you on the show. Those that won’t aren’t worth the energy to think about. Let the Saratoga thing go. Don’t you have 2 Trivia Bowls?
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One of these days, one of these days – of that I am sure!
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Since you mentioned Steve Jobs in this post: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life”
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Aw Sébastien… and here I gave you a shout-out in the blog the last time I tried out for the Chance. And you could at least give me credit; I did get your name spelled correctly in the blog.
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I honestly am not sure how you haven’t made it on the show yet. I can’t imagine that many people know more useless facts than you do.
When you do get on the show, take them for everything they are worth.
By the way, how did that game at Blue 82 go? Did you show that team how its done?
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Did well last night, all four teams missed the final question but that team actually bet zero and won by default.
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At the Recovery Room we were tied for the lead and also missed the final. Was it the year in which Six Feet Under ended? We said ’06, missing it by a year.
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Yes it was that question. I said 06, the Tuesday Nighters said 06, one team said 08 and another said 1997. The last two teams were never in the running. Unfortunately, the Tuesday Nighters bet zero points and won by default. Pfft.
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I hate when teams do that. If you were winning though, and they were more than double ahead of the next team down, they probably figured if you got it then they could not catch you. I hate it, but it may have been a smart strategy depending on the exact circumstances.
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They are too afraid that you’re going to win the grand prize and break their bank!
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Miller. You WILL be on that show someday.
Dog on a bone baby…dog-on-a-bone.
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As I read your blog through my tears and realized that for some reason you think there are a large group of people who hate you and don’t want to see you get on a game show…I just want you to remember one thing…you’re right.
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If the “FIST PUMP! FIST PUMP! PUMP PUMP PUMP IT UP!!!” looked anything like the squealing and jumping in the air clicking your heels together did when you won the Trivia Bowl that may be why the interview didn’t go so well…
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Chuck, maybe the trick is to try to NOT get a perfect score. Maybe they dont want to give out the grand prize too often???
Just a thought…
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So you don’t agree with the Steve? I think it’s a powerful advice. There is no way all the candidates that made it are better than you at trivia, so that’s not the issue. I don’t think answering everything right is a problem either, because they need at least a few people to win to show viewers that “it’s do-able”. I remember the first time this show was converted and aired in France: the last candidate, the perfect looking guy, young, about to get married, won, after being shamelessly helped by the host. Huge ratings after that of course, everybody was talking about it the next day, everybody wanted to try. Our time is limited.
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Sebastien – it’s not whether I agree with Steve Jobs on this. Maybe I’m just of the belief that this should be a show in which the smartest person has a chance to answer the questions, not the person who would be the most photogenic or sympathetic to the viewer. If we start doing that – playing to what the viewer believes a game show contestant should look like – then we start going down a slippery slope of image versus competition.
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Maybe they’d let you on if you were more “writer, photographer” and less “I’m a trivia champion and survivor”. I’ve only watched that show a few times but it doesn’t seem like they’re looking for the smartest people…they want someone the audience will root for …so good luck with that.
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Let me know next time you’re going, I’ll go with you and show you how it’s done.
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Dan – you’re on. Next time I go, you’re riding down to NYC with me. Time to put your money where your mouth is.
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Ok…maybe I’ll let you stick around and be a lifeline.
And I’m driving…I don’t wanna hear “c,mon Cardachrome” all the way down.
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> Maybe I’m just of the belief that this should be a show in which
> the smartest person has a chance to answer the questions,
> not the person who would be the most photogenic or sympathetic
> to the viewer.
Oh god no. TV is all image. I mean, Chuck, look at the stats. You like stats, don’t you? Do you think all these people who got in answered more questions than you? There is no way. I’ve only watched it a few times, and I saw some colossal blunders. I think they most likely pick a carefully crafted pool of candidates, i.e. a certain % of people who can answer a certain amount of questions on average, a certain % who can answer more, etc, to distribute the rate of success appropriately along some curve.
You tried *a lot* and probably placed yourself in the % of people who can answer the most, each and every time. I think it’s a reasonable assumption to say that this “top” category accounts for less than the other categories, otherwise they would be giving away too much money to too many excellent players. So play with the variables a bit and try answering less questions for kicks. Like 50% less. If you keep answering so many questions, I fear that statistically there will *always* be a candidate that is better than you with respect to the *other* factors (i.e. not the questions). Be it looks, personality, etc. I think that’s what happening to you so far. So play with the parameters. Personality: hard to change. Looks: possible. Move to a different category (answer less): definitely doable, *then* destroy them by answering all the questions during the real show.
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Sebastien – here’s the conundrum, first and foremost. Before you can even get an interview, you have to take a test. And you don’t know what the cutoff point is on the test. You don’t know if getting 25 right out of 30 is going to get you the interview; you don’t know if it’s 28 or 23 or even if they just take the top 9 people with the highest scores. You don’t know. All I can do is get past the first test – before I can even receive an interview. That’s been the kicker. I can’t go in there with the idea of “hey, maybe if I sandbag a few questions out, they’ll think I’m not smart, put me through anyway, and then I could pass through and run the table.” That’s taking too many chances and assuming facts not in evidence.
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I don’t think it’s all about the most likable contestant OR the one who can answer the most (obscure) questions. I would suspect that what makes a game show popular is that viewers get the feeling that “I could do that…I could answer that”. So the questions have to be somewhat middle range. Given that, yes, Chuck you could probably sweep the board. And I suspect that they can only afford/plan for just so many “sweeps” a season, you just haven’t hit the right time for a contestant who could potentially bust the bank.
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I definitely do not recommend throwing any questions, Chuck. This is obviously not about your trivia knowledge. The TV network can more than afford to pay you $1 million.
TV is all about the money, obviously. And who wants to watch a middle-aged man hit 15 questions in a row?
You need to make up some kind of story, as to why you want to win that money. Maybe talk about donating some to a charity of your choosing for some personal reason? Maybe talk about getting yourself out of major credit card debt? Even though you are used to being a favorite in trivia, you need to come off as the underdog. No one wants to see Kansas win the NCAA Tournament, they want to see Virginia Commonwealth beat them in the last seconds of the game.
You also need to appear as a perky kind of person, who will not only answer questions, but entertain the audience in doing so.
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I’m with Sebastian here – dump a question or two the first time you are eligible and see if you still get through. If you do, see what the result of the interview is. If you still get dismissed then we know it’s something more cosmetic and in that case “fixable”. Facts not in evidence is just another way of saying you are doing it your way or else …. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got” – or something like that! 😉
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@Chuck: I understand the process… but you keep doing the same thing, and it’s not working. Once, twice, OK, but isn’t that five times now? You don’t know what the cutoff point is but you can estimate it, based on how many you think you answered and if that was enough to get you to the interview. Just lower that a tad, again and again. As I said, I’ve seen people fail on trivial questions (YouTube remembers everything), there is no way they would have done that mistake had they been able to answer 28 questions in the first place. I don’t see it as a cutoff, more as a way to put some people in various groups, *then* pick a few in each group. Switch to a larger group. You have been able to do it 4 times this year, so obviously this is happening regularly enough that you can experiment.
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Sebastien –
Again, we don’t know if it’s a percentage of correct answers gets you to the screeners, or if it’s the five or ten people with the highest scores. Maybe 27 out of 30 would pass one day and not another. I have to consider that. Maybe if I lived in NYC and could try out with a degree of regularity, then I could sort of “guess” how many it would take to pass through, or if they are grading on a curve. That’s probably why they limit it to five tries per year; sort of like a casino keeping out someone who knows how to count the cards.
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