K-Chuck Radio: The STUPIDEST Rap Songs of All Time!

And I don’t mean “stupid” as in “that’s stupid fresh def, yo.”

I mean “stupid” as in “What in the name of Run-D.M.C. were these artists THINKING??????”

Trust me.  I have NO problems whatsoever with rap music.  I grew up with it in my high school, I learned to appreciate and enjoy Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, Spoonie Gee, the Sequence, the Funky Four +1, Kurtis Blow and the Sugarhill Gang.  Still enjoy that stuff today.

But I realize that when rap music made it to the mainstream, a lot of artists TRIED to emulate it.  The operative word is “TRIED.”

And some of them failed with a capital FAIL.

And thus, I present to you, several artists, bands and actors who should NEVER have attempted to rap.  But they did it anyway.  Their loss.

ADAM AND THE ANTS
Antrap

I don’t care that this guy at one time was one of the most popular artists in England. He still recorded this piece of tripe.  Stand and Deliver, indeed.

THE AFTERNOON DELIGHTS
General Hospi-Tale

If they had just released this song as an instrumental, it would have been a killer funk track.  Unfortunately, someone thought it would be a great idea to add a rap about a popular soap opera. ‘Scuse me while I go find a pair of knitting needles and shove them in my ears.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD
Rappin’ Rodney

The scary thing about this recording is that it actually made the Billboard charts.   I think it stayed for 15 weeks at #99 on the Hot 100. Talk about no respect.

FRESH BUSH AND THE INVISIBLE MAN
Hard Times

Somebody spliced together a collection of George HW Bush’s Presidential news conferences, and turned them into a rap song.  Probably the most coherent delivery the President ever made.

RATHEAL BEAN AND THE DOONESBURY BREAK CREW
Rap Master Ronnie

I think this was taken from a Broadway Doonesbury revue.  Okay, it’s not the Capitol Steps, but it’s kinda funny in its own respect.

DAN AYKROYD AND TOM HANKS
Dragnet “City of Crime”

This was recorded as a promotional single tie-in to the 1987 big-budget Dragnet movie.  Somewhere in that dark night, Tom Hanks is trying to burn EVERY single copy of this recording.

MEL BROOKS
To Be Or Not To Be (Hitler Rap)

I gotta hand it to Mel Brooks. This is a guy who not only WROTE a play that contained the song “Springtime for Hitler,” the man’s got the matzah balls to do an Adolf Hitler rap.  Again, this was a tie-in to one of his few serious films, To Be Or Not To Be.  I keep looking at this clip and thinking to myself… “Not to be.”

Um… if you all will excuse me… I have to go find my headache pills.  Listening to these – er – rap songs – makes me want to bash my head against a fencepost, and I need the headache pills to counter-balance the pain.