A different game of thrones

Let me ask you. How long have you had the same toilet seat in your house?

THAT LONG?  Yikes.  I know gas stations with cleaner restrooms than that.

So let’s see.  I figure that I’ve lived in my apartment in the Town and Village for nearly two years now.  So I know that seat’s been attached to my commode for at least that long – and Heaven knows how long before then.

So today, I decided I needed a brand new seat for the Royal Rodan-imitating Room.

Let’s Go, Cardachrome – next stop, ye olde local hardware / home improvement center.

First things first.  Replacing a toilet seat is as easy as unscrewing two plastic bolts and screwing in two plastic bolts.  CHOOSING a toilet seat, however… that’s where you gotta make the right decision.  Remember, that’s where you’re going to be sitting where nature calls, and you don’t want to be uncomfortable.  You also don’t want it to clash with your lavatory decor, and you certainly don’t want your significant other looking at that seat and going, “You expect me to use that?”

There are two different standard shapes of toilet seats out there – ones that are built for round toilets, and ones that are built for elongated toilets.  Make sure you know which toilet you have before you buy the wrong seat.

I had thought about getting one of those U-shaped toilet seats – apparently the urban legend is that the U-shaped toilet seats were designed so that if someone was drunk and throwing up into the toilet, the upright toilet seat wouldn’t come crashing down upon their bowed head.  And I would have bought a U-shaped toilet seat – unfortunately, the only U-shaped seats were for elongated toilets.  Oh well.

So let’s go to choice of available materials.  Toilet seats are made from plastic, from wood, from composite and from foam.  And despite what the rock band Styx says, they aren’t made from plexiglass.

And you thought that their worst song was “Mr. Roboto” – silly you.

I did not purchase a foam toilet seat – I’m not even going to presume that those things are that hygienic.  And I passed by the wooden seats – can you imagine this conversation? “AAAH!! I GOT A SPLINTER!!” “Where?”  “YOU DON’T WANNA KNOW WHERE!!!”  I also stayed away from artistic pattern toilet seats – the last thing I need is a toilet seat with Hello Kitty on the lid.

So after much consideration, I purchased a simple plastic white toilet seat for about $19.  Took the seat home, unscrewed the two plastic screws that held the old toilet seat to the commode, wiped down the area with disinfectant, and then installed the new toilet seat.

It’s really not that difficult to replace a toilet seat, and you should do so if your royal tush-cushioner is either cracked or if the bolts have come loose.

And changing a toilet seat is as simple as number one… number two…