No, not THAT kind of Kaboom.
Yesterday, while grocery shopping, I picked up a few items for the apartment – garbage bags, paper towels, kitchen sponges… and then I remembered my friend Dylan had recommended I look for a certain box of cereal.
“See if you can pick up some KABOOM, Chuck,” he laughed.
And I laughed.
Because I remembered KABOOM.
Because KABOOM was the only breakfast cereal I knew that was made predominantly of food coloring.ย Okay, yeah, the box says the product is made from oats and sugar, and that it’s packed with vitamins and iron – as well as a clown mascot that would make Pennywise run screaming.
But all those little smiling cereal pieces, which all looked like frosted reproductions of the alien villain in the video game Berserk – those cereal pieces had a hidden agenda.
And I can speak of its truth.
What you would need to do is eat about two bowlfuls of KABOOM cereal in one sitting.ย You know, fill up the cereal bowl with KABOOM, pour in the milk – watch as the milk turns from white to an olive green – and then eat.ย Fill up another bowl, stock up on more milk, repeat.
At some point in time, you’re going to need to go to the bathroom.ย Yep.ย Time for number two.ย And after you finish your duties, and before you flush away, you take a glance.
Whatever’s in the toilet bowl ain’t brown.
It’s green.ย Almost like a metallic green.
Yep, there was enough artificial coloring in KABOOM to make you literally poop out rainbows.
KABOOM also appeared in some motion pictures – there’s a scene in Kill Bill where the Bride avoids an attack from someone who put a gun in a box of KABOOM.ย I’d embed a clip here, but the TU doesn’t approve of YouTube clips with cursing in them, and trying to sanitize a Quentin Tarantino film would mean trimming a two-hour picture to ten minutes, tops.
Unfortunately, the cereal with marshmallows and sugar and gallons of food coloring was eventually discontinued by General Mills in 2010.
Yep, another breakfast cereal from our past, this one with a dorky-looking clown on the front of the box.
Well, if I can’t find any KABOOM, maybe there’s some Quisp or Quake on one of these shelves… Or maybe some Cookie Crisp…
Chuck The Writer 
My love of Kabooms and the orange marshmallow peanuts comes from my younger days visiting my grandparents house in Utica. My mother would never allow us to have those things in our house, but I think my grandparents purposely stocked up when we were coming, because there was ALWAYS a box of Kabooms in the kitchen cabinet and a bag of orange peanuts by the tv. I’d get up really early and sneak downstairs, but my grandpa would always be at the table reading the paper, and I would get to eat the Kabooms with him in peace. If my mom knew, she never said anything.
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