Ten things that can go wrong . . .

It’s Sunday morning, around 8:30 a.m. I’m in Glenmont. The temperature is dropping. I can feel the chills in my bones.

I have my experimental camera equipment, my experimental film mixture, and I’m shooting in an experimental location.  Design the hypothesis, make it work from there.  And whatever doesn’t work, then I need to re-adjust my options and try again.  Back to the drawing board, so they say.  Whoever “they” are … and wherever this mythical “drawing board” is…

And yet, I keep trying.  For every screw-up in my splitfilm experiments, I was able to get photos like The Agfa Bridge Over Ansco Lake, photos that won competitive awards – heck, The AGFA Bridge Over Ansco Lake is the only picture of mine that has won ribbons at BOTH Altamont and the New York State Fair.  So why should I stop now, when another potentially award-winning photograph is just around the corner?

But even I know that, with all apologies to Robert Burns, the best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men // Gang aft agley.  And with that in mind, I am hoping for a lot from this photo experiment.  A lot.

1. I’m using my old AGFA Chief camera.  Yep, nothing says high-quality production like a pre-World War II metal point-and-shoot camera that I got for $5 online.  On the positive, I did get The AGFA Bridge Over Ansco Lake out of it so long ago….
2. The film I’m using is my newly-acquired Kodak WL Surveillance B&W 70mm film, which I’ve only previously tested one set of exposures.  On the positive, I did get some decent results from it the first time, so it’s not like the film’s lost its lamination or is undevelopable…
3. I’m also swiss-rolling this film with some vintage Instamatic film.  Yep, I cracked open an Instamatic cartridge, pulled out the roll of film inside (Kodak Gold 200 with an expiration date of about 1993).  In other words, I’ve tuned this camera to take two simultaneous pictures, with one film overlapping the other.  And although my splitfilm pictures still get plenty of “wow” responses, using Instamatic film hasn’t received that same reception.  Yet.
4. I’m shooting on a very cloudy day.  Not exactly conducive to a camera whose exposure is set at “maybe.”
5. Because of the age of the Instamatic film, I’m going to tell my pro lab to develop this film in alternative chemicals.  Yep, instead of it being a C-41 process (the developing process for standard negative film), I’m going to have this film cross-processed in E-6 slide chemicals.  In other words, I’m going to use this film’s age and deterioration to my advantage.
6. I’m also going to ask the film developers to “push” the Instamatic film two stops.  I figure it this way.  The Kodak Surveillance film is approximately 400 ISO.  The Instamatic film is 200 ISO, and since it’s about 20 years past its expiry date, it’s probably more accurate at 100 ISO.  So I need to “push” the film to bring out more details.
7. I have to hope that the Instamatic film doesn’t buckle inside the camera.  The AGFA Chief has a curved back, which allows for the film to expose in a wider, landscape format while minimizing distortion.  This is fine for the larger-format film – whose borders can hug the ledges of the camera body’s internal film guides and retain that curved back track when the film is exposed – but the Instamatic film could buckle in the camera and pop forward, causing massive distortion in the image and ruining the shot – or, in fact, the film itself.
8. I also have to hope that the opposite effect doesn’t happen – that the Instamatic film doesn’t come loose in the camera and simply not expose at all.  In order to make the splitfilm work, I’ve had to tape the Instamatic film to the Surveillance film.  Right now, that film is holding on with a small piece of masking tape.  That tape could come loose, and every shot I take with the camera would just capture the Instamatic film as it’s rolling OFF the roll and not reaching the destination spool.
9. Let’s also add to the fact that both of these films are WAAAAY past their expiration dates, and both films could just simply NOT expose at all, due to their age.  It’s almost like I’m hoping both films haven’t completely deteriorated.  You know, like opening a can of beans that have an expiration date of 2012 and deciding whether it means “use before 2012” or “best if used before 2012.”
10. And finally, the tenth thing that could go wrong in all this – is the unknown factor, the variable that I didn’t even consider, yet it will rear its ugly face and ruin my photo.  You know.  Gremlins.  Bad karma.  Murphy’s Law.

It’s cold on this Sunday morning.  Cold and chilly.  I arrive at my shooting location.  Nobody’s here.  It’s just me and the icy atmosphere.  A snowflake flutters past my sight.  Is it a snowflake of frozen crystal hope, or just a snowflake of arctic collapse?

So many things can go wrong with this project.  But I can’t stop now.  These photos today could be my steps toward redemption in Competition Season 2015, a return to “how the hell did he do that” and away from “big flipping deal, he did that.”  I can’t stop now.  I can’t let everything that’s gone haywire in my life continue to control me.  I can’t let the tears and jeers and sneers and fears that have followed me through the years attack me like spears in the rears.  I need to make an impression in the depression.  To fight the blight.

And what if these shots don’t turn out great this time?  What’s stopping me from getting another roll of Instamatic film and spooling it up with some Kodak Surveillance film, packing it back in the AGFA Chief and trying once more?  Pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again?  Everybody talks about Thomas Edison’s 100th success with the light bulb; nobody mentions his 99 failures prior to that.

It’s Sunday morning.  I took the pictures.  Simple location.  Eight shots.  The AGFA Chief didn’t seize up – I think only has three moving parts, anyway.

It’s Sunday night.  I went into my darkroom, and turned out the lights.  Pitch black.  I opened the AGFA Chief camera.  Both films were still intact, they both spooled over to the takeup reel.  Whew.  The tape held fast.  I detached the Instamatic film and placed it in a light-tight black plastic film container.  Then I rolled the Kodak Surveillance film back up into the takeup reel.  Everything set?  Good.  Lights on.

It’s Monday morning.  Snow on the ground.  Gotta stop at McGreevy Pro Lab and drop off my films.  Yes, I want this roll of loose film cross-processed and pushed two stops.  I’m throwing everything at this project, including the kitchen sink.  Failure stopped being an option a long time ago.

Tuesday afternoon.  I receive the e-mail invoice from McGreevy Pro Lab, letting me know that the film has been developed and is ready for pickup and purchase.  I quickly glance at the invoice – not for the amount owed, but instead for notices about “film undevelopable.”  The Kodak Surveillance film – fine.  The Instamatic film – “blank.”

Crap.

Nine things went right and one thing went wrong.

I picked up my film from McGreevy.  One picture – a Kodak Surveillance shot that DIDN’T get covered with Instamatic film – came out.  It’s below.

Sure, it’s a decent shot of the Jericho Drive-In marquee… but I can take pictures like this in my sleep.

I wanted that Instamatic film to work with my project.  And it didn’t.  Damn it.

I know, I know.  Don’t give up.  Don’t stop trying.  Don’t count the ninety-nine failures, count the one hundredth success.

Yeah.  But I’m getting sick and tired of counting failures.  And I’m tired of feeling like a failure.

Extremely tired of it.