I went back in time to talk to myself…

Okay, on this week’s K-Chuck Radio, we’ve got a bunch of great hits from …

Wait a second.

Is that what I think it is?  Some sort of shimmering light?

Is that the sound of a … no, it couldn’t be.

Well, it’s not a British police box.

And it’s not a telephone booth that’s piloted by a pair of Wyld Stallyns.

But it sure sounds like a – and a man just stepped out of whatever that thing is.  Slightly balding, slightly paunchy, he has glasses and a thin goatee.  And he’s talking to me.

“Hold on there.  Are you Chuck Miller, blogger for the Times Union?”

Why, yes I am.  How do you know my name?

“Know you?  Heck, buddy, I AM you.”

Huh?

“Yeah, man, I’m Chuck Miller, I’ve been blogging for the Times Union for the past 29 years.“

Okay… this is getting weird.  Hey, man, I know that Miller is a very popular surname, and Chuck – er, Charles or Charlie – is also a popular first name.

“No, no, I don’t want you to freak out.  But I’m you.  I’m Chuck Miller from the year 2038.”

Yeah, right.  Okay, who’s playing the practical joke on me?  Ha ha, real funny.  Okay, where’s the candid camera, have I been punk’d or something…

“What can I do to convince you that I am you from your future?”

Well, first we need to determine that you know something about me.  Quick.  In ten seconds, and in order, name The Twelve.  Go.

“Okay, Slingerlands Elementary, Clarksville Elementary, Greenfield Center Elementary, South Corinth Elementary, Corinth Elementary, Patrick F. Lyndon Elementary, Veeder Elementary, Christian Brothers Academy, Sand Creek Middle School, Lisha Kill Middle School – dude, we hated that school with a passion – Abington High School and the Street Academy of Albany.”

Not bad.  And in order, no less.  Okay, next test.  How many Canon cameras do I have?

“That’s a trick question.  Chuck Miller is a Nikon-Kodak-Rollieflex-AGFA camera guy.  No Canons whatsoever.”

Okay, two for two.  Well, mystery man, if you WERE me, you’d be able to tell me who my celebrity exemptions are.

“It was Lynda Carter, and that was about it.  Although you did find Abigail Delancy very fetching.”

Who’s Abigail Delancy?

“She’s a very famous actress.  Won three Oscars in a row for Best Actress.  You won’t start seeing her films until about the year 2023.  And man, is she hot.”

All right.  You could have determined any of this stuff by reading the blog.  Well, maybe not that Abigail Delancy thing, whoever she is.  If you’re really me… tell me one thing that only you and I – well, I and I – know.  Something I’ve never revealed in this blog, ever.

“Let’s see… Okay, I’ve got one.  During one summer in the mid-1970’s, you tried to build a dollhouse for your sister.  You made it out of a shipping box and some cardboard and some glue, and even built little curtains out of cloth that was rolled up and down on little toothpicks.”

Yeah, and I remember she played with it for about two days and then it got thrown out – so wait – you’re me?  How is this possible?

“Well, this is about the time in your life when you make a big decision.  A decision that affects your future.”

Tell me more.

“Well, you know I can’t reveal anything about the future – and I really slipped up when I mentioned Abigail Delancy – but I know you’ve been going through a lot of stress lately.  A lot of pain and heartache.  Some of it was caused by your past, some of it was caused by accidents, some of it was caused in anger and in knee-jerk reactions.”

What are you talking about?

“I need you to do something today.  Before you go to your day job today, I want you to take a look out your window.  Heck, do it right now.  I’ll wait.”

Okay.  Opening up the blinds… there’s the Blackbird, or at least a Blackbird-shaped igloo where my car is supposed to be.

“This is very important.  Today I need you to clear off all the snow on your car.  Every flake.  Windshield, side mirrors, even your sunroof.”

I do that anyways.  What’s the big deal about today?

“You need to do it.  I’m serious.  Today above all other days.”

Okay, I’ll get my scraping cone and the brush and take care of it.  So what’s the big deal?

“If you do it today… then in the future, you’ll be able to come back in time and warn me about doing it.  If you don’t… well, I can’t tell you what would happen if you don’t.  Just know that today, among all other days, that car needs to have all its snow removed.  You know what?  After you brush off the snow, take the car over to that old touchless car wash place near the Green Island Bridge and get that snow blasted off.  You need to.  I mean it.”

Wow, you’re freakin’ me out about all this.

“Oh, and buy a lottery ticket today.”

Which one?

“The two-dollar scratchers, same as always.”

Does this mean I’ll win the lottery?  I’ll be a millionaire?

“Well, you might be $2 closer to that goal… listen, I got to go now.  Trust me on this.  I never want you – me – us to be in a bad place.  And there’s so many things in your future left to accomplish, to achieve.  And I need you to do these things today.  So that you can do them tomorrow.”

And with that, before I could ask him anything else…

He – me – him – I was gone.

Wow.  In the moments of that conversation, I thought there would be a greater reveal about life, the universe and everything.  Maybe 42 different reveals.  But maybe in knowing if the future is predetermined, that I’m always destined to make that left turn when I really want to make a right turn, maybe these are things that I should not know.

But if you’ll excuse me, today I really need to get my car scraped and cleaned off.  Oh, and I need to pick up a $2 win for life ticket.

I need to live my life.  And not have my life lived for me.

Oh yeah, and I have to check the IMDB database for this Abigail Delancy actress, whoever she is.