There is an old “dad joke” that goes something like this. “How many animals can jump higher than a house?” Well, the answer is – “All of them, houses can’t jump.”
There is another old “dad joke,” about the shock jock radio DJ who said if he received $5,000 for a charity fundraiser, he would walk naked down his town’s main avenue. He raised more than the amount – and sure enough, he walked down the main avenue, and his dog “Naked” was by his side all the way. Get it? “walk Naked down his town’s main avenue”?
Ha ha, real knee slapper.
So I joked around after last Thursday’s blog post, where I postulated a “prop bet” as to whether Albany Empire owner (and former NFL superstar) Antonio Brown, who claimed he would suit up for the Empire’s next game against (I keep forgetting the opponent) Fayetteville, whether Brown would score more points, or whether one of the Albany Patroons would score more points. Pats versus Empire, Saturday night showdown.
And of course, I’m remembering that Antonio Brown’s father was the legendary “Touchdown” Eddie Brown, who would catch six or seven touchdown passes every night during his tenure with the Albany Firebirds of the old Arena Football League. That of course was way back in the day.
Plus, the Albany Patroons had an instant “home date” when their Sunday afternoon match at Syracuse was changed to a Saturday evening affair in Albany. Oh, great. We’re now going up against a media spectacle at the arena.
Well, we don’t have to worry about the Patroons. They basically slapped the Syracuse Stallions all over the arena, as Shadell Millinghaus led Albany with 25 points, while Marcus Merchant and Ed Dyson III and Mustapha Traore hit rim-rocking slam-jam-thank-you-ma’am dunks.
Okay. Millinghaus with 25. How did Antonio Brown do?
Well … apparently … AB didn’t get his league physical completed in time for Saturday night’s game.
OOPS
So that meant AB couldn’t put on a uniform and play on Saturday night in front of a packed house of fans who WANTED to see the former Pittsburgh Steelers superstar in action. Nope. And by halftime, the Empire were getting bitch-slapped by (why can’t I remember their name?) Fayetteville 20-7.
To which the Empire released this tweet.
Oh, so “technically” AB fulfilled his obligation. I guess. I’m sure that all the fans at the MVP Arena were so happy to attend tonight’s game and see AB return to the gridiron.
No. Instead of AB the superstar wide receiver, we get AB the guy who arrived at Raiders camp with frostbitten feet and a kvetch about his helmet. Yeah.
Oh, and the difference between the Patroons and the Empire?
The Patroons WON their game. The Empire … well …
Wait … how can you win in a bye week? Oh, is this another brain teaser? Are they saying “bye week” as in the team is relocating? Or are they saying “bye week” as the team is folding? And when they say “win the bye week,” have they uncovered a new Arena Football rule that allows you to lose on a night you don’t play anybody?
I mean, what in the name of Bishop Sycamore is going on with this team?
All I’m saying is that I could have selected half a dozen Albany Patroons tonight – Shadell Millinghaus, Trevis Wyche, Ed Dyson III, Arsenio Arrington, James Currington, Derrick Rowland Jr, Marcus Merchant – and every one of them would have scored more points tonight than did Antonio Brown.
In fact … Antonio Brown wasn’t even the most prolific former Pittsburgh Steeler in last night’s Empire game. That honor goes to QB Roland Rivers III, who was part of the 2022 Pittsburgh Steelers rookie minicamp (Rivers would later start a game for the Pittsburgh Maulers of the USFL). In his Empire debut, Rivers did complete one touchdown pass for 6 points; but he also served up two INT’s. Still, even that’s more points than AB provided.
At this point, the Albany Empire is a joke. It’s a steaming pile that deserves all the clowning it merits. And anybody who spent their Saturday evening watching an undermanned Empire team get decimated by … whoever … I just have to say this.
Come to the Washington Avenue Armory this Tuesday evening as the Patroons begin their march to the 2023 TBL championship. And we promise that when someone “takes the court,” we don’t mean that a team of forklifts and cranes actually “takes the court” out of the building.
Yeah, you saw what I did there.
Chuck The Writer 
I wish Antonio Brown was eccentric in a more interesting way. Next…
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Brown is playing the Empire fans for fools. He installed his father as GM, and “Touchdown” Eddie Brown should be ashamed of his son’s behavior.
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Another possible dad joke: Who is the new vice president of football operations for the Empire, and how loud is his voice?
https://spectrumlocalnews.com/nys/capital-region/news/2023/03/02/antonio-brown-returns-to-capital-region-as-part-owner-of-albany-empire
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