“Chuck, we want to buy your Nissan Sentra, puppies and babies not included.”

One of the local car dealerships in the area, Destination Kia, has arguably the most annoying commercials around. Their tagline is that they’ll sell you a car, but “puppies and babies are not included.”

So imagine my surprise the other day when I received this email from Destination Kia, completely at random and out of the blue.

CHUCK, We are looking to build our pre-owned inventory and would like to take your Nissan Sentra in trade whether it is leased, financed or owned outright. Now is the time to get the most equity out of your vehicle before trade in values decline further. We are looking to give you top dollar for your Nissan Sentra. You can use any positive equity toward the lease or purchase of a new Nissan or put cash in your pocket. Plus if we buy out your lease, you may not be liable for the remaining payments, excess wear, or over mileage** and we’ll make your first new Nissan payment up to $500^! Please email or call me at 518-543-7273 to set up an appointment.

Oh, wow! Destination Kia wants to buy my Nissan Sentra!! Oh, that’s fantastic!!! I hope I can get top dollar for that beloved Nissan Sentra!!

Except for one teensy tiny problem.

I don’t OWN a Nissan Sentra.

I’ve never OWNED a Nissan Sentra.

I would never PURCHASE a Nissan Sentra.

And if anyone’s read my blog for … oh, I don’t know … the past 13+ years, they would know I’m a General Motors man, with my last three cars being Chevrolets.

I just don’t get it. Somehow I ended up on a mailing list where I supposedly own a whole bunch of different cars. Like that time years ago when Garvey Volkswagen was so desperate to purchase my Volkswagen.

“We would love to purchase your Volkswagen, Mr. Miller…”

I mean, I wrote that blog post TWELVE YEARS AGO and I’m still getting these wacko requests?

Well, you know what? I’m calling Destination Kia. I want to know if someone compromised my account and bought a Nissan Sentra without my knowledge.

So let’s call this person on the unsolicited email. Ended up talking to someone else, who gushed over the possibility of purchasing my Nissan Sentra.

I played along with the joke for a couple of minutes, and asked her what was so desirable about my Nissan Sentra that Destination Kia really wanted it so badly. She said they were running out of inventory, and that they needed good quality used cars to replenish their stock.

Ha. Good quality used cars, and she equated a Nissan Sentra in that listing.

Eventually I told her that I never owned a Nissan Sentra, and asked her why her company thought I had one in my possession. Instantly her demeanor turned from bubbly enthusiasm to I-can’t-wait-to-get-this-clown-off-the-phone. Oh, it was a marketing mistake, you can ignore it, she said. We don’t know how your name got on that list.

SURE you don’t.

This is just one more attempt to trick me into giving up a good quality car and get involved in long payment terms for a car to which I have no interest. I don’t need a Nissan or a Kia or any of those other tin cans on wheels.

And the fact that Destination Kia sent me this email begging for a car that I don’t even possess … says more about Destination Kia not really giving a shit about who they solicit or who they pester. All they care about is selling cars. I mean … that’s part of their reason to exist, ain’t it?

Yeah, with that kind of trawling marketing scheme … I wouldn’t buy a car from Destination Kia, even if they INCLUDED the puppies and the babies.