By: Chuck Miller
Writing

If you say “skank” three times, Lauren Boebert appears.

I promised myself I wouldn’t write about Colorado representative Lauren Boebert’s little tirade at a Denver theater.

I promised I wouldn’t stoop to the level of showing the security footage of Boebert and her companion being told to leave the Buell Theater as they were watching a performance of the musical version of Beetlejuice.

I promised I wouldn’t show Lauren Boebert doing a “walk of shame” through the theater lobby.

I promised myself that because I’d grown tired of that cross-eyed harpy’s performances. Her slavish fetish to assault weapons. Her performance aggression towards trans men and women. Her racism and bigotry and homophobia and proselyting. I mean, I’ve chronicled her crapola before in this blog.

It’s not like Lauren Boebert would try to lie her way out of a situation.

Well … guess who lied about the whole situation.

That’s right. The gentlewoman from Colorado’s 14th District.

And since she lied … all bets are off.

Evidence tape . Here’s Boebert and her companion, on security video, being escorted out of the Buell Theater last Sunday night. There’s no sound to the video, so you’re blessed to not hear Boebert’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice.

And at 1:57, you get to see Boebert adjusting the straps on her dress so that her foobs don’t pop out. She then flips the bird at an attendant.

At 2:10 of the video, she turns and gives a “Do you know who I am?” gesture to the security guards. Do you mean that the security guards know you as the failed owner of a Hooters-knockoff restaurant that specialized in salmonella and ptomaine?

A few more choice words from Boebert at 2:34 of the video, as she carefully turns on her FMP’s and gives the security guards a piece of what’s left of her sponge-brain mind.

The rest of the video shows Boebert and her companion – who’s neither her ex-husband nor that ramen-haired church singer she was recently photographed with – walking out of the Buell Theater. They were hand in hand, and he’s carrying her purse like the made man he is.

So why did Boebert and her escort get tossed out of the theater? Reports claim that Boebert was being obnoxious, she was vaping, she was filming the show (a big no-no), and was singing and dancing in her seat during the performance. In other words, she was being a big distraction. People paid good money to see the show ON the stage, not the show in the aisle seats.

It was claimed that one of the patrons at the Buell Theater, who had a seat behind Boebert in the audience, asked Boebert to stop vaping – especially since that patron was pregnant.

Now after this video appeared, Boebert went on social media and claimed that all she did was enjoy the performance, that any claims of vaping came from fog machines that were part of the stage show, and that this was much ado about nothing.

Oh, Bobo. You’re going to get more exposed than your ex-husband showing off his 7-pin to young kids at a bowling alley.

Because in addition to the security video the Denver news media released the other day …

They’ve got video of you BEFORE the ejection. And it just went on the news this morning.

And we’re going to go full Zapruder on this film. Watch this with me if you dare.

At 0:40 of this video, Boebert and her himbo take some flash selfies. And it just goes down from there.

At 1:14, the patron behind Boebert leans forward to talk to Boebert, who brushes the conversation off.

At 1:35, Boebert pulls out a vape pen and takes a puff. So unless she’s part of the “fog machines” from the front stage, I’m calling shenanigans.

At 1:49, Boebert’s date tries to steal second base. Seriously. He played the role of Mr. Whipple and she played the role – er, roll – of Charmin. A few seconds later, Boebert’s got her hand between her companion’s pants and is rubbing his inner thigh.

By 2:30, Boebert’s singing along with the show, offering dance steps that look like Axl Rose on Quaaludes.

3:40 into the video, Boebert has to yank up the top on her three-sizes-too-small dress so that the crowd doesn’t get any day-o, day-o, daylight come and me wanna go home. She then slides her hand back toward her companion’s crotch, and his hand joins hers there.

By the 4:00 mark, security has arrived. It’s most likely the end of Act I, and they talk to Boebert and her boy-toy.

As Act II begins at approximately 5:30 of the video, Boebert is having an animated conversation with the pregnant patron behind her.

A few seconds later, she’s using her flash on her phone to photograph the show itself.

That’s it. The rest of the video shows the security team escorting her and her date from the theater.

Damn. This is the two-time elected representative of Colorado. The woman who BARELY survived re-election (winning by only 500+ votes).

And I haven’t even mentioned Boebert’s purse-carrying companion … yet.

See, the individual known as “Companion with purse” was identified by The Daily Beast as Quinn Gallagher, a 46-year-old bar owner. And although Boebert is officially separated from her junk-exposing husband, they’re not officially divorced yet. But you know the rules for Republicans … “Rules for thee, not for me.”

All I can say is that Lauren Boebert’s 2022 opponent and likely 2024 challenger, Adam Frisch, needs to use as much of this footage in his campaign. Advertisements all over the place.

Or at least … when it comes to debates, simply wait until it’s his turn to speak, and then calmly, say into the microphone …

“Beetlejuice … Beetlejuice … Beetlejuice.”