How a Pittsburgh Steelers fan survives the 2023 NFL season

Anyone who reads this blog for more than ten posts knows I am a die-hard Pittsburgh Steelers fan. Six Super Bowl championships, a lineup of Hall of Famers, and …

Well, the 2023 season has been quite a ride. Our QB1, Kenny Pickett, hasn’t exactly been the second coming of Terry Bradshaw, and is currently rehabbing a high ankle sprain. Out QB2, Mitch Trubisky, is twenty levels of awful. But the past two games have been anchored by our QB3, Mason Rudolph, and he’s kept our playoff hopes alive.

The one-two running tandem of Najee Harris and Jaylen Warren have both garnered over 1,000 yards this season, only the fourth time in Steelers history this has occurred in the same season. And they’re keeping our playoff hopes alive.

TJ Watt has a league-leading 17 sacks, and if he isn’t named Defensive Player of the Year, I’m simply going to assume that the judging committee are all from Cleveland. And TJ Watt is keeping our playoff hopes alive.

Kicker Chris Boswell has been hitting 50-yard field goal completions with complete domination. And he’s keeping our playoff hopes alive.

And now, at the final week of the regular season, we still have a chance to reach the playoff rounds. It can be done. Heck, most of the league didn’t even think we’d get a winning record, but we’re 9-7 and above a .500 mark for the 17th year in a row. That’s more consistent than a pour of Heinz Ketchup.

So the simple way we can make the playoffs is thus – we need to win Saturday afternoons game against the Baltimore Ravens. In Baltimore. We gotta put Lamar Jackson on his back. We gotta frustrate Zay Flowers. We gotta do what we gotta do. This is the only way we can control our future.

Once we win that game … then it’s scoreboard watching time. 

One of two things must happen – we need the miserable Tennessee Titans to somehow wake up, realize they can play professional tackle football, and defeat the Jacksonville Jaguars. Tennessee beats Jacksonville, combine with a Steelers win, and we’re playing in January. That game gets played on Sunday afternoon at 1:00 p.m.

The other option would be if the Miami Dolphins take out the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. If THAT happens, combined with a Steelers win – then we’re playing in January. But we won’t know the results of THAT game until Sunday night, it’s the prime-time matchup. 

There’s a third, microscopic possibility – if Pittsburgh, Buffalo and Jacksonville all win, the Steelers could get in if the Indianapolis Colts / Houston Texans game ends in a tie. But that’s a parlay for the casino betting. I’ll stick to the simpler formulae. 

But all this falls apart if Pittsburgh doesn’t take out the Ratbirds – sorry, the Ravens – on Saturday afternoon. Put Baltimore out of its crabcake-eating, Domino Sugar-sweetening misery. That needs to happen first. Then we can talk about everything else.

See? Playoff football. It’s easy to figure out. Tune in to this blog tomorrow when we discuss the Infield Fly Rule and trickle-down economics.