Jewatholic

I’ve only heard the term “Jewatholic” used by one other person – “Stuttering John” Menendez. Stuttering John was one of Howard Stern’s sidekicks, and at one time his big deal was to go up to famous people and, in the guise of a television reporter asking for interview questions, ask the most offensive and unexpected questions, hoping to get a rise out of the interview subject that would make for great Stern material.

Stuttering John used the term “Jewatholic” as part of one of his stand-up routines, in that he mentioned that one of his parents was Catholic, and one was Jewish. Naturally, laughter ensued.

I never laughed at it.

Because that was my life.

Pay attention.

I was born in 1963 when my father (a Conservative Jew) impregnated my mother (a Roman Catholic). Apparently the wedding proposal was him saying, “You’re what?”

Yep. Little old me came out as a product of mixed religions. A religious mongrel, if you will.

And I also discovered the wonderful world of religious intolerance at a VERY young age. See, my mother’s side of the family (the Roman Catholics) didn’t want anything to interfere with what religion I was SUPPOSED to follow, let alone Judaism. Meanwhile, my father’s side of the family were definitely against talking about Jesus or anything that was published in the New Testament.

And considering that I spent time with my paternal grandmother during the summer when my home life was too toxic (my mom eventually married someone else), my religious background was about as clear as mud.

And at one point, when my grade school classmates figured out that I didn’t attend church like the rest of them … I was christened a “Jewatholic.”

And apparently to these classmates, being a “Jewatholic” meant that they could extort all their prejudices in one bombardment. Like the time one of them thought it would be funny to ask if I believe in the Bible, and following that up with, “Well, the Jews killed Jesus, how do you feel about being a Christ-killer?”

I don’t know. Let me check back with you after I turn ten years old, okay?

And believe me, I tried to walk in both worlds. But it wasn’t easy. No more so than anyone who ever experiences religious intolerance. Even today. Trust me. You learn religious intolerance, it’s thrown at you from all sides. You’re not “Jewish” enough. You’re not “Christian” enough. 

From these moments, you learn why there’s religious hatred of other groups. Hatred that’s wrapped in festering misinterpretations and cherry-picks of what the Bible says or purports to say.

I mean … for me, my religious beliefs are that there definitely is an all-knowing deity of some sort that guides our lives. Whether it’s some old dude with a white beard and flowing robes, I don’t know. But I do know that a true God would accept all into His kingdom, because the world’s religions all bring together the history and culture of their existence. 

So I don’t know if that makes me a Unitarian or not. 

It’s definitely why I chose my middle name as David-Paul. David was one of the heroes of Judaism, while Paul was one of the scribes of Christianity. If I have to be both … then let me embrace both.

And if people taunt me as being a “Jewatholic” …

I can see them now as their narrow-minded, restrictive selves who don’t truly understand all that’s around them.

That will have to be the way.