I swear, Donald Trump keeps running that swindle. He thinks that his name alone adds some sort of value or panache to everyday items. Which, of course, explains the popularity of Trump Steaks and Trump Ice Water and Trump Trading Cards and … oh, yeah. “Popularity.” Pfft.
Yesterday, Donald Trump introduced his new scam. And this is a doozy.
At an event in Philadelphia known as Sneaker Con, Donald Trump debuted his brand new $399 a pair Trump Sneakers.
No, seriously. He’s offering $399/pair Trump Sneakers. A limited run of 1,000 pairs, with a strict limit of only three sneaks per customer. I don’t know if that means “three sneakers per customer” or “three pairs of sneakers per customer,” but it sounds on brand that Trump would sell each individual plimsoul and have footwear left over.
Naturally, the patrons at Sneaker Con snapped up every pair … oh, just kidding, they booed him and his fake-ass kicks.
This is priceless. First of all … Even if that Orange Goblin sells all of his footwear – and I know there are people who will sell their last kidney to buy them – that’s only going to give him, what, $399,000 in total? Well, maybe that could be used as a down payment for the money he owes E. Jean Carroll …
And at the risk of infecting my computer with some sort of MAGA virus, I went to Trump’s specific website to see how this works. In addition to the $399 sneakers, he’s also offering two $199-pair kicks, as well a two different bottles of cologne. And purchasing the cologne and a pair of sneakers also entitles you to a bonus of extra shoelaces and a (possibly) signed sneaker charm.
Okay. First of all … these shoes are HIDEOUS. They look like someone bought some Converse Chuck Taylors and spraypainted them and applied some gold shimmer fabric on them. They look like they could stop on a dime and turn it into two nickels. And offering extra shoelaces … these things look like the better add-on would be foot powder and athlete’s foot spray.
But in all honesty … these shoes actually do remind me of a classic sneaker from the past.
That, of course … would be the classic Bobos.
I don’t know if there ever was a sneaker company called Bobos, but the name “Bobos” and footwear seem almost historically synonymous . Because, although I’m not sure I’ve ever owned Bobos in my childhood … I do remember that if any students from any elementary or middle school I attended in my lifetime ever SUSPECTED someone of wearing the elusive Bobos sneakers … those kids would point at the alleged offender, and break out a chant that charitably could be sung to the melody of the Colonel Bogey March. I shall demonstrate.
Bobos … They make your feet feel fine!
Bobos … They cost a dollar ninety nine!
Bobos … are made for hobos …
And kids with athlete’s feet wear them all the time!
Bobos … they make your toes turn green!
Bobos … they smell like gas-o-line!
Their laces … are made from yo-yos!
So buy your Bobos at Woolworth’s today!!!!
Yep. Whatever those things are that Donald Trump charitably calls “sneakers” …
They’re just glorified Bobos with spray paint and applique.
And they make me long for the days of Stephon Marbury’s budget-branded Starbury sneakers from 20 years ago.
It’s just another grift from Don the Con.
Chuck The Writer 
It was not too long ago that another grifter with delusions of grandeur, LaVar Ball, ol’ La Loudmouth himself, living vicariously through his sons, tried selling his sneakers at $500 a pair. Big Baller Brand went belly-up. It had to, since we’re not hearing about Ball and his overpriced “kicks” anymore. Personally, I wear New Balance or whatever is comfortable for my feet & wallet. Diaper Don won’t pay his legal bills out of pocket. He has to resort to scams like this, knowing the gullible marks will largely go for it, although Philadelphia didn’t seem to agree……
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He’ll have to sell about two million pairs given the way his debt for his crimes is mounting up. No doubt he’ll fall back on his usual grift and con the fools directly with some sort of “stop the witch hunt” campaign – and still not pay his debts.
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For reasons that currently elude me, he is a good snake oil salesman.
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