Let me start off by saying, in the annals of fairness, the rumor about Republican Vice-Presidential nominee JD Vance and furniture is false. Untrue. Never happened.
See, at some point in time, somebody posted on social media that, in quoting several pages of Vance’s book Hilbilly Elegy, that Vance allegedly turned a latex glove inside out, shoved it between the cushions of a couch, dropped his trousers, and did a little fabric-humping.
Now I should note that nowhere in the Hillbilly Elegy book, and certainly not from pages 179-181, does JD Vance purportedly act like the “Sofa King” because he’s “Sofa King” a couch. It’s not there. It’s just like my saying that people should read the great message in Psalms 3:16, and people going, “Oh yeah, for sure,” not realizing that there is no Psalms 3:16 verse in the Bible.
But, like Dan Quayle’s spelling and Sarah Palin’s view of Russia from her house, this furniture fornication has stuck to JD Vance’s image like a davenport cover.
And I shouldn’t laugh at the memes and jokes about this. I really shouldn’t.
I mean, I shouldn’t repost memes like this, should I?
Or the definition of a couch depending on where you live.
Oh man, I forgot about the “American Chopper” memes. Those were fun.
Oh lord this is so funny …
Again, nowhere in Hillbilly Elegy is there any reference to Vance making love to a loveseat.
That’s not the passage you should be reading.
What you SHOULD be aware of is that JD Vance wrote the foreword for a book called Dawn’s Early Light: Taking Back Washington to Save America. That book was written by Kevin Roberts, one of the architects of the ultra-conservative MAGA-centric Project 2025 tome.
That’s right. A book written by one of the yonks from The Heritage Foundation, who wants to turn The Handmaid’s Tale into an operations manual – among other heinous and reprehensible goals.
And Vance proudly admits that he wrote that foreword.
I mean … seriously. We can goof all day on whether he claims to be versatile because he enjoys a Castro Convertible …
But the real language in a MAGA fantasy book that marginalizes and subjugates anyone who isn’t a white male Anglo-Saxon Protestant…
Seriously. JD Vance can go fuck all the way off.
And by “fuck all the way off,” I hope he catches bedbugs and cushion chafing.
Chuck The Writer 
With all the stuff I read, I managed to miss this whole thing.
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I think the estate of Pee-Wee Herman wants Chairy back.
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