Returning to Bachelor Laundry.

A long time ago, I joked about doing “bachelor laundry,” a concept where I would joke about jamming everything in the washer, pouring a whole bottle of whatever cleaners I deemed necessary, and running through the most clothes-damaging steps to scare someone else into saying, “Don’t do your clothes that way, here, let me do them for you.”

But after a series of foot injuries and surgeries that left me unable to visit the local wash-and-fold, I looked for other options. And one such option was Best Cleaners, a local laundry service who would pick up my clothes, wash and fold them for me, and bring them back within two days. This was a good thing. It meant I didn’t have to waste two hours of my personal time each week at the laundromat. I was good with this.

That was until earlier this summer, when one of my laundry bags suddenly disappeared. That’s right. My shirts, pants, socks, underwear, everything – went to the cleaners and didn’t come back. Yikes.

I called Best Cleaners and they said they would look for my clothes, that they were probably still being washed or something. No dice. The clothes vanished. Double yikes.

Especially since I was now running short on certain clothing items. Trust me, you can’t get through the day without a clean pair of Fruit of the Looms, amirite?

Eventually Best Cleaners and I worked out some compensation, and they sent me a check for the lost clothes. And on the day the check arrived at my place … I received a phone call from Best Cleaners. They found my clothes after all, apparently one of the laundry bag tags either fell off or was clipped to the wrong bag or something, and the clothes would be returned later that day. Which they were. And in Best Cleaners’ defense, they did let me keep the compensation.

But that whole situation completely soured me on the company. I could not, in good faith, use them any more. Don’t get me wrong, they did quality work and all my dirty clothes came back clean and folded and fresh for wear … but that one instance, that one error, soldered itself in my mind like a repaired weld.

So now I need to find a new laundry service.

And for a few weeks, that meant going to the local laundromat in the Town and Village. You know, pack the clothes in, put the detergent in, put the fabric softener in, put the dryer sheets in, blah blah blah.

And that lasted for about two weeks … until what I call the “dry” incident occurred.

I put my clothing in one of that laundromat’s washers, paid the requisite washing fee (in quarters), and watched as the washing machine went through its cycles. But something didn’t look right with the wash. I saw no suds. I saw no splashing.

In fact, it wasn’t until after the washing machine finished its routine that I discovered, to my anger, that that particular washing machine had given me a “dry wash” – it did not fill with water. So all my clothes simply rolled around in the detergent – no rinse, no suds, no nothing. And I paid $5.75 for that wonderful experience.

Great. I went from “we can’t find your clothes” to “would you like water with your wash” in nothing flat.

Screw this, part two.

Let’s find another laundromat. I went over to the neighboring town of Watervliet, and in one of the town’s strip malls, was a laundromat. Okay, place looks clean, place looks modern, let’s give it a try.

And as I started loading my dirty clothes into one of the washing machines, I noticed something interesting.

All the washers and dryers have QR codes on the doors and on the frames.

Get this. You can either pay for your clothes-cleaning the old fashioned way – get that roll of quarters, kids – or you can actually pay for your washes and dryings with an app called “Laundry Boss” on your cell phone. Simply load some money onto an account, scan the QR code for the specific washer or dryer, pay for the service with your phone, and faster than you can say “ring around the collar” – your clothes are splashing about in suds and agitation.

Modern technology. What a concept.

And the strip mall contains a dollar store, so I can buy my cleaning supplies on the cheap – and, while I’m waiting for my wash to complete, there’s a pizzeria and a Subway sub shoppe in the strip mall as well.

Aces.

All right, we’re going to give this a try going forward. I mean, if I have to take care of my laundry by myself, if I have to go through this tactic of washing and drying and sorting and folding my delicates and my durables … then so be it.

But at least if I do it this way, I’m assured that my clothes will remain within my view.

And I’m assured that at least they will be blessed with water to mix with the detergent.

And I’m good with that.