I’m sure you’ve received plenty of holiday cards this year. Cards from family, cards from friends, cards from that special someone in your life.
I’ve received plenty of cards as well. And I’d like to share the holiday sentiment from those cards with all of you.
Let’s see … here’s a nice one.
“Dear Chuck, we hope you have a Merry Christmas this year. And by the way, we’re increasing your cable bill by $40 a month this year. However, if you act now, we’ll reduce that rate to only a $35 increase. Merry Christmas!” – Spectrum
“Dear [insert name], we hope this holiday season has been merry and bright. We would love it if you came into our showroom with your [insert name of car] as we have plenty of offers for your [insert name of car], no matter the condition. Why don’t you make an appointment with us? We’d love to hear from you, [insert name].” – DePaula Chevrolet
“Hi Chuck, we would love it if you subscribed to us. For only one small weekly payment, you can have delivery to your front door step and access to most of our website. And you might want to check out our blog section, hosted by our talented writers and some community people that we don’t really care about that much and don’t pay that much, except that they give us plenty of clickthroughs” – The Albany Times Union
“Dear customer, Season’s Greetings, and that film you sent us back in 2010 is almost ready for processing. We’ll keep you updated if anything changes.” – Rocky Mountain Film Lab
“Dear Chuck, would you like to contribute to my election campaign? I promise that your contribution will be matched sixfold by people you don’t know, and by means that you cannot independently confirm, but you’ll just have to take our word for it.” – Yours, the New York chapter of the Republican National Committee
“Hi Chuck, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and make sure you buy tickets for our upcoming shows in the Albany area!” – All Elite Wrestling (hmm, I think I’ll keep this one)
“Dear Chuck, thanks for being a supporter for all these years. Your purchase of our product has increased our bottom line tremendously. Happy Holidays!” – Your local Red Bull production plant
“Dear Chuck, good tidings and blessings to you this holiday season. And can we interest you in our new product line? All you have to do is trade in one of those old cameras of yours for a slight discount.” – Nikon
“Mr. Miller. Contrary to popular belief, my car does not have vehicular issues, my partner is not capable of laying eggs, and I bathe regularly.” – Batman
Ah, the holiday season. Can’t wait to see what appears in the mail next year. 😀
Chuck The Writer 
I received a cheery holiday message from the TU, as well:
“Thank you for being a loyal Times Union subscriber…your payment method will now be charged $35.96 every 4 weeks, on a recurring basis.”
That’s a 30% jump for my online TU experience, just…because.
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