Am I ready for Fantastic Four: First Steps??

Yeah, I’ll admit it. I was a comic book nerd as a kid. And I’m still that person who goes to the “first showing at midnight” premieres for new Marvel movies. Because, yeah.

That being said, I realize that there is tremendous anticipation and hype and interest over the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s integration of Marvel’s first family, the Fantastic Four. Trust me. The MCU without the Fantastic Four is like a New York Yankees documentary that leaves out Joe DiMaggio and Mickey Mantle.

But as much as I’m waiting for this new Fantastic Four movie to drop – which apparently will take place this summer – I’m a bit nervous and apprehensive over it. Because, honestly, while the comic book saga has contained some of the greatest storylines in Marvel history … translating those storylines to television or to the movies has been a slough.

Let’s start with the first appearance of the FF in animated form – this is around 1967, when Hanna-Barbera produced a full season of Saturday morning animated action with the FF.

Yeah, I get it. Adding a Hoyt Curtin theme and slimming down Jack Kirby’s artwork made for a generic, watered-down Hanna-Barbera action series. I mean, at least they used some of the original storylines from the comics, but cramming the entire Galactus trilogy into a 30-minute episode with a happy ending just didn’t really cut it for me.

And after we get past a 1975 13-episode radio series that features an early voice-acting performance by Bill Murray …

And when the FF returned to television in 1978, I was actually excited. I wanted to see them in action. I hoped this would be the beginning of a new era for Marvel’s First Family.

Yeah, and then I saw Herbie the Robot. No. Just no. Absolutely no.

And any anticipation that a new Fantastic Four cartoon series in 1990 would improve on this – I mean, they did bring back the Human Torch and sold off Herbie the Robot for scrap metal – the rubber-band animation and goony intro theme already earned the show two strikes.

Hey, maybe with a bigger budget, the Fantastic Four could dazzle on the big screen. You know … a little flame-induced CGI, some orange prosthetics, some practical arm-stretching …

Yeah, except that the 1994 FF movie is still considered one of the greatest examples of someone trying to make a film WITH NO BUDGET and hope that they can hold on to the copyright long enough to make a better film someday. Seriously – I’ve seen comic-book convention fan-crafted videos with more budget than this.

Okay, we move forward a decade, and the Fantastic Four will actually have their own full-length Marvel-approved movie. Well, “Marvel-approved” in that it’s part of the 20th Century-Fox Marvel X-Men universe, since Fox now owns Marvel’s rights to the X-Men, the Fantastic Four and all their related characters therein. Ah, who cares? This has to be good, right? The Fantastic Four against Doctor Doom, come on, get me my popcorn and my front row seat.

Okay, so if you’re wondering why Captain America is now the Human Torch … don’t worry, it all makes sense if you’ve seen Deadpool & Wolverine. But … I wanted more. Trust me, Jessica Alba is a smokeshow, but she’s miscast as the Invisible Woman. And when the hell did Doctor Doom get on that test flight with Reed and Sue and Ben and Johnny? No, no, no no no.

Well, maybe they’ll address these little issues in the sequel film, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Because, yeah, they HAVE to do the Galactus Trilogy. They have to. Right?

Yeah, no. They made Galactus into some sort of nebulous cloud instead of an anthromorphic ideation of the Power Cosmic. They’ve got the FF switching powers like some sort of cosmic game of tag. And Jessica Alba actually REGRESSES in her role as the Invisible Woman. This is NOT WORKING, PEOPLE…

Okay, toss everything out. Let’s fast-forward to 2015. New cast. New writers. New chance for 20th Century-Fox to hold on to the copyright for the FF, now that they have a massive budget and a new cast and …

Yeah, that’s an exciting trailer. Too bad half that footage never made it into the finished film. In fact, I honestly think that THIS 2015 iteration of the Fantastic Four is the reason why Disney bought 20th Century-Fox outright. This way, they can bring the Fantastic Four and the X-Men (and, by extension, ancillary characters like Deadpool, Wolverine, the Silver Surfer, the Impossible Man …) into the MCU in some way, shape, or form.

And now the argument becomes … can a Marvel Cinematic Universe interpretation of the Fantastic Four actually (let me clear my throat when I say this) get it right?

Yesterday, a teaser trailer dropped. Here’s the teaser.

That being said … unless you actually see a YouTube trailer from a Marvel-approved account, don’t fall for it. It’s probably one of those “Super Panavision 70” AI-generated trailers that feature a computer-created Invisible Woman with size 99 triple D’s. Down, boy. Heel.

So I’m going to post this video link to the YouTube channel that actually DOES have the Marvel branding … and although it says the trailer will go live at 7:00 A.M. eastern time, we’re getting a countdown from 7:00 a.m. to really see the trailer.

I’ll update later. I promise.

UPDATE: Holy …

Galactus isn’t a cloud. And Ben’s actually wearing an FF blue speedsuit.

And … oh, crap, there’s Herbie the Robot. I’m going to hope that he’s only in the trailer and not in the finished film. (fingers crossed)

But … yeah. Hold my calls the weekend this movie premieres. I’m serious.

Let’s get it RIGHT this time.