Those rocks are NOT from my head.

My girlfriend has made some major upgrades and restorations to her backyard. What was once a collection of overgrown paver stones that were originally part of her home is now a fully replaced and beautiful concrete pathway.

But there’s one portion – a triangular patch between the deck and the back of the house – that the landscapers kinda forgot about.

And it’s a tiny eyesore.

This.

That gutter pipe has to flow somewhere, which means rainwater will either spill onto the concrete walkway and cause cracks, or it will puddle and pool into that corner and cause weeds and muck. Neither of which are preferable.

So the plan was to remove some of the dirt and weeds, and add crushed stone to that corner. That way, the rainwater will spill through the crushed stone and into the earth, and all will be well.

Now here’s the thing. I am a considerate boyfriend. I’m not having her do any of the digging or lifting or loading or whatnot.

Time to get a little dirt on my hands, as the old song says.

Trust me, I’ve been down this dirty road before. There was an overgrown shrub on the side of Nicole’s house that took me FOR EV ER to yank out of the ground eleven years ago. I can prove this. I blogged about his.

Get a little dirt on your hands, son…

So where’s what we did. I went into Nicole’s shed, grabbed a shovel and a bucket, and started digging that corner. Grass clumps and weeds went into a refuse bag. The dirt was strewn along the side of the walkway so that there were no divots or ruts in the ground.

Dig a little more. Oh look, there’s a root that just HAPPENS to be right in my way. After making sure it was a root and not, oh let’s say, a wire or a cable or a femur, I went back to Nicole’s shed, grabbed the branch pruners, and snipped the thick root away. Into the refuse bag you go.

Then we drove over to Walmart, and while Nicole stayed in the air-conditioned car, I went to the garden center and purchased two bags of crushed stone. One bag of big rocks, and one bag of little rocks.

We returned to the garden. I hauled both bags from the car to the back yard. You know that challenge in those World’s Strongest Man competition where they’re carrying this gigantic Dinnie Stones? Yeah, that was me.

No word on whether I had to absorb any gamma radiation or cosmic rays to pull this off.

The plan was to pour the bag of big stones on the ground first, then cover the big stones with the smaller pebbles. I dumped the first bag of stones.

We both realized one bag of stones wasn’t enough.

Back to Walmart we go.

Nicole stays in the car. I’m not allowing her to lift ANYTHING. We estimated we would need TWO more bags of big rocks, and another bag of small pebbles. I’m looking through the bags of rocks on the pallet, trying to find the bags that didn’t have rips or tears in them. Last thing I need is to pull the bag out of the car and have all the stones fall in her car trunk. Nopes.

Okay. More hauling with the Dinnie Stones. First bag poured. Second bag poured. The stones are spread out. Then the two bags of small pebbles.

And in the end … after a little cleanup to get some of the spilled dirt off the concrete …

Looky here.

There we go. Landscaping merit badge unlocked. Yeah, I guess it would be unlocked if I was 50 years younger and still in the Boy Scouts, but considering I never got past the Tenderfoot level in that organization …

Still, that corner of Nicole’s property now looks nice and well-manicured. And after I took care of feeding Nicole’s dependents – i.e., the bird feeders and the suet cage so that the songbirds and woodpeckers will visit Nicole’s garden … all is good. A happy girlfriend means a happy Chuck.

This is what you do. You help out when you can, and you try to make the world a better, more peaceful place.

I will tell you this. As I’m writing this blog post today …

I’m feeling the effects of lifting those bags of crushed stone. If I ever do this again … I might need a six-week run at Gold’s Gym to build up my cardio and my deltoids. 😀