The mislabeled energy drink that could give you a DUI … or worse.

Let’s put the cans on the table right now. I am a major fan of Sugar Free Red Bull. It wakes me up and it keeps me going. And if given the choice between the various flavors and the original sugar free compound, I’ll drink the regular formula, as those other flavors just don’t work for me.

That being said, I saw news yesterday regarding the energy drink Celsius that shook me to my core.

Apparently a canning plant accidentally filled cans that were labeled for the Celsius energy drink brand with another beverage – in this case, High Noon vodka seltzer. This is from the Food and Drug Administration’s website, which you can see here.

That’s one serious whoopsie.

So here’s what may have happened. The canning plant receives the beverage, and it fills pre-printed cans with the beverage. High Noon (which is owned by Ernest and Julio Gallo) does not do their own packaging, they send the liquid to independent canners and bottlers who fill the inventory. And apparently one canner who works with both E&J Gallo’s product and Celsius Holdings (who are not affiliated companies) simply filled Celsius cans with High Noon vodka products, and then sent then out to EIGHT DIFFERENT STATES – including New York.

Yeah. This is a major fuck-up. But it gets worse. So much worse.

If you’re reading this blog and you’re concerned that the Celsius can you purchased at the local 7-Eleven doesn’t contain the normal Celsius combination of green tea extract and/or stevia, now contains High Noon’s mixture of seltzer and vodka. The affected product is apparently Celsius’ ASTRO VIBE Energy Drink, Sparkling Blue Razz Edition cans with the impacted lot codes (L CCB 02JL25 2:55 to L CCB 02JL25 3:11). The cans will also have a silver top, as opposed to Celsius’ standard blue top.

So … how bad is this?

Really bad. Imagine drinking one of these cans, thinking that you’re just chugging a bit of a wake-up, then getting into a car and driving. Then you try to explain to the policeman why you just blue a .13 on the breathalyzer when you swear all you had was an energy drink.

Or even worse … you’re driving and you cause an accident or an injury or a fatality. And you have absolutely no idea how it happened.

Hey, let’s not even factor in the DUI. Let’s propose that you are a recovering alcoholic. You’ve gone through all the twelve steps, you’re a big fan of Bill W., and you have those reminder tokens in your pocket. Every day is one day at a time. Every day without alcohol is a personal achievement. And then it happens. You unknowingly drink what you THINK is a Celsius energy drink, and all your progress has fallen away.

Or even worse than that … some people can’t safely consume alcohol, whether because of allergies or diabetes or some other medical condition. They think they’re imbibing a safe, legal alternative. Next thing you know … they’re in the hospital, or worse.

This is also similar to the Four Loko phenomenon. Remember Four Loko? The combination of an energy drink and vodka that you could legally purchase in nearly every gas station and corner store? The product known as “Blackout in a Can,” where you could get drunk and not even feel the effects until it was too late? Trust me, I knew people who drank that stuff and eventually suffered from severe alcohol poisoning. Trust me. Jokes about Four Loko stop when you are too drunk to get off the couch to get to the bathroom in time.

On a personal note, I avoid drinking alcohol at all times. I’ve lost family members to DUI fatalities; I’ve lost loved ones to DUI fatalities; I’ve received first-hand the horrors of alcohol-fueled child abuse. Other than a few tiny drops of ecumenical wine at church services, or the use of cooking sherry that burns off the alcohol content in recipes, no alcohol passes my lips. The last thing I need is to pick up a can of Sugar Free Red Bull and suddenly discover I’ve consumed a can of White Claw.

But for now, any thoughts of adding Celsius to my energy drink routine just ended. Flat out. No. Nada. Nyet.

I can’t take that chance in my life. And I don’t ever want to experience the equivalent of someone spiking my drink with an alcoholic roofie.

I can’t take that chance.

Not at all.