Think about this for a second. Since the 1969 season, the Pittsburgh Steelers have operated with only three tenured head coaches. Chuck Noll, Bill Cowher, and Mike Tomlin. Between them, they’ve claimed six Super Bowls in eight trips. And for the past 20 years, the Steelers have NEVER had a losing season.
By comparison, there are teams in the National Football League that didn’t even EXIST when Chuck Noll was first hired as Steelers head coach way back in 1969. That would include (checks notes) the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks, Carolina Panthers, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars. The Indianapolis Colts were in Baltimore. The Baltimore Ravens were in Cleveland. The Tennessee Titans were in Houston. The Las Vegas Raiders were in Oakland – then moved to Los Angeles – then back to Oakland.
Got all this? Good. There’s a test tomorrow. 😀
And the Steelers are currently searching for their next head coach. They’re not promoting from within; yesterday the organization said all of the assistant coaches currently under contract with the Steelers are free to pursue other coaching options within the league. So I don’t have to worry about Teryl Austin and his porous defense, or Arthur Smith and the mustache of doom. Maybe keep special teams coach Danny Smith, if nothing else he would guarantee that all the chewing gum factories in Pittsburgh will stay in business.
I’ve already heard that the Steelers are actively searching out head coaching options throughout the league. Veterans like Mike McCarthy. Legacy minds like Chris Shula. Steelers veterans like Antwan Randle El.
These would all make great choices. And I’m sure there’s another head coach or seven that I haven’t yet mentioned that the Steelers have under wraps. Heck, nobody heard of Mike Tomlin before he was hired. Nobody heard of Bill Cowher before he became head coach. The two of them, like Chuck Noll, were nondescript defensive coordinators that the Steelers saw as diamonds in the rough. And man, they were serious diamonds.
That being said … there are several head coaching opportunities that I would beg the Steelers to stay as far away from as possible. Far, far away.
Please do not hire, under any circumstances …
- Bill Belicheck. Please God no. I do not need that hoodie-wearing geezer sporting black and gold on our sidelines. And if you bring him, then you’re dragging that jailbait girlfriend of his to the games. No way.
- Matt Canada. He was a Steelers offensive coordinator and I seriously believe that he set our offense backwards by years. I wouldn’t trust him to coach a game of backyard no-tackle football.
- The Steelers quarterback who wore #7 for us for many years. Could he play in his prime? Sure. But playing QB doesn’t mean he could handle all the other aspects of the game. And the last thing I need to do is write more blog posts while enforcing my 16-year-long ban of never mentioning his name in my blog after his treatment of women back in the day.
- Marv Levy. Okay, yeah, he took the Buffalo Bills to four Super Bowls. That’s true. He’s also 100 years old. I don’t need him dropping dead on the sidelines.
- Antonio Brown. The man screwed up ownership of an Arena Football team. You think I want him anywhere near the coaching room right now?
- Eric Taylor. Okay, yeah, he took the Dillon Panthers to two Texas high school football championships. But he was also a fictional character from the Friday Night Lights TV series.
- Russell Wilson. I’ve heard a couple of rumors that Russ might want to transition to coaching. He lasted half a season as a Steelers QB, and played his way right out of town. We don’t need that kind of fume here.
- Kevin Stefanski. So what if you were a two-time NFL Coach of the Year? You did that with the Cleveland Browns. If they could tie their shoes and put on their pants without assistance, that would make ANYONE Coach of the Year.
- Tim Tebow. I would burn every Terrible Towel I’ve ever owned if that chisel-head took the sidelines for us. I have NOT forgotten that playoff game. Not once. If I could get a license plate that said FY 15 TT, I would in a second. Maybe I’d better check the New York State license plate generator program.
Ha ha, it’s still available.
So, yeah. It looks like I’ll have to wait, like all the rest of us Steelers fans, for them to announce their hire. And hopefully the team will continue their tradition of keeping a winning head coach for decades and garnering his own Super Bowl run.
Yeah, I don’t want to go back to the early 40+ years of the Steelers. Back when the team was the laughing joke of the NFL and folks used to call it “SOS” – for Same Old Steelers. 😀
Chuck The Writer 