The one blog reader you should never date

So the year 2011 was full of new opportunities for me.  And one of those opportunities involved getting back into the world of dating.  And sometimes that “dating” involves meeting people who read my blog.

But there was one blog reader I dated – just once – and I couldn’t tell if she really liked me because of my blog… or because of something else.

I met her back in March of 2011.  She apparently was reading my blog and commenting on it.  She identified herself under different names, as if she wanted me to know her but not officially “know” her.  And eventually, I got in touch with her.  If she wanted to date me, I said, let’s meet somewhere public and go from there.

So on a Wednesday night in March, I arrived at the restaurant.  I always arrive at a date 15-20 minutes early.  It’s a quirk of mine; essentially I anticipate 20 minutes for any possible delays – flat tire, traffic jam, any of that.  I waited.

And then she showed up.

“Hi,” I said.  “I’m Chuck.  And you must be…”

“Heya i’m for the first time here. I came across this board and I in finding It really useful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to offer something back and aid others such as you aided me.”

Hmm.  Maybe she’s a little flustered.  Dating can be stressful.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you.  I have to tell you, this is one of my favorite places in the Capital District to eat.  Brown’s is part of my Holy Trinity of restaurants – Brown’s Brewing, Bob & Ron’s Fish Fry and Toll Gate Ice Cream.  Have you ever eaten at any of those places?”

“Very interesting details you have observed , appreciate it for posting . cheap vps | cheap vps |”

Well, Brown’s isn’t exactly a cheap vps, whatever a cheap vps is.  But I continued on.  “You really have to try the chicken wings at Brown’s.  Best in the Capital District.”

“Thanks for taking some time to discuss this, I really feel strongly concerning this and love learning extra on this topic. If doable, as you acquire experience, would you mind changing your weblog with extra information? It is extremely a good choice for me.”

Okay… either my date is studying English as a Second Language, and Comprehension as a Third Language, or she’s just not paying attention to me.

Just then, Shelby, the Brown’s staffer without whom the restaurant would collapse, came over to say hi.  We chatted for a few minutes.  “Shelby,” I then said, “I’d like you to meet my date, I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name…”

“This may be an excellent study in my experience, Need to acknowledge that you simply actually are among the best writers I ever noticed.Thank you for posting this helpful post.”

“Oh… kay,” replied Shelby.  She gave me a look that said, “Chuck, you can do better than this.”

I nodded back at Shelby, with a look that said, “Tell me about it.”

So the date continued.  I ordered some wings, and I have absolutely no idea what she ordered – she kept requesting food that contained acai berry extract in it for some reason.

“So tell me about yourself,” I said.  “Where are you from, have you lived in the Capital District all your life, anything.  How did you first come across my blog?”

“I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already Cheers!”

Well, this seems rather robotic.  Almost as if she wanted to butter me up, flatter me about my writing, so that I might post her comments – and that others who might read her comments might click back on what she does for a living. “Anything else I should know about you?”

“Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it’s really informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future. Many people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers! virtual private server | cheap vps |”

Oh this isn’t going to work.  “Listen, you seem like a very nice person, and I’m sure you have many outstanding qualities… but I don’t think it’s going to work out.  I’ve got the check here.  Thanks for reading my blog.  It was nice meeting you.  Have a great evening.”

“I get pleasure from, lead to I found exactly what I was taking a look for. You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye”

I excused myself from the table and headed over to the hostess station to pay my check.

Shelby met me at the station.  She took the check, ran my credit card through the machine, I wrote a tip on the credit slip and signed the paper.

“Another spambot blind date, eh Chuck?” she smirked.

“Seems that way, Shelbs,” I grinned.  “Oh, and I put a little extra on there to cover the Hefe-Weizen pitcher.”

“You didn’t order a Hefe-Weizen pitcher,” she said.  “You don’t drink alcohol.”

“No, it’s not for drinking,” I replied.  “I hear that Hefe-Weizen beer goes well when it’s accidentally poured over spam.”

Shelby nodded.  “I’ll take care of it – five minutes after you leave the restaurant.”

NOTE: Every response in blue above came verbatim from actual unapproved spam posts to my blog.  I figured that if I wasn’t going to approve any of these stupid spambot comments, at least I could have some fun with what spambots try to say to get people to approve their comments.