And I just thought its pronouns were Union / Pacific.

I swear, people will get their boxers in a knot over the tiniest of slights.

And the new slight happens to involve the Union Pacific 4014 “Big Boy” train that is currently traveling to the East Coast.

Specifically – posts like this.

That’s right. This snowflake is kvetching over the nomenclature of a railroad locomotive’s gender. At this point, I’m putting bets on when Fox News makes this the big story of the day.

This is not The Onion. But man, it feels like we’re living in Onion times.

Apparently this goof didn’t get the memo that all locomotives are referred to as “she.” All ships and boats are referred to as “she.”

I mean, there’s precedent for this. The lyrics of songs like “Wabash Cannonball” refer to the train as “she.” Take a listen.

Now maybe this goofnut figures that trains are male, because he’s seen photos of trains going into tunnels and now he’s grasped the concept of whatever Freudian psychology this guy skimmed in class. Or because the train is named “Big Boy,” that must mean the train has the required steam-powered chromosomes.

Like I really have time for this. This is just another excuse by people who look for anything that might offend their delicate sensitivity … and then go full speed ahead on it.

Trust me, I’m more concerned about getting a great photo of this train than determining whether it’s on the tracks looking for a stylish pink-toned Norfolk Southern for a little humping in the railyard. Maybe a bit of a three-way coupling with a fluid-divergent CPKC hauler.

What’s next? Am I going to discover (yikes) that there’s an OnlyFans channel devoted to the distinct decolletage of characters from Thomas the Tank Engine?

Trust me, people have nothing better to do with their lives if this is an actual controversy.

And whether you call Union Pacific 4014 “Big Boy” a he or a she or an it … means nothing to me. And it should mean nothing to you.

But if you’re using this argument as fuel for something larger … a discussion on why you feel that the rights of someone’s gender or identity are less important than yours … you might want to go outside and touch some grass.

Because that may in fact be the more salient issue.

And the fact that I wasted my morning on this argument … just makes me feel like I could have done better myself.

And we should all try to do better.