Would you dare wear a “TaTa Top”?

I have to tell this story first.  Back in 1982, when I was a freshman at Hamilton College, I participated in a theatrical production of the Greek play Lysistrata.  My part wasn’t that big – I was a member of the Greek chorus that commented on the storyline.  My costume at the time?  A grey sweatsuit with, of all things, a hand-stitched grey-flannel “block and tackle” around my waist.  Yeah.  Block and tackle.  Twig and berries.  If you know the context of the play, then you know what my costume looked like.

Yeah, it was part of the play and it was integral to the performance.  But there was NO WAY IN HELL I was wearing that little track suit anywhere outside of the confines of the theater.

Okay.  Now that you’ve heard that story, here’s this one.

I saw this in some of my news feeds the other day, including in this article by the Daily Beast.  There’s a company that is manufacturing – and selling plenty of – the “TaTa Top,” a flesh-colored string bikini top with strategically-positioned reddish-pink dots on it – dots that, at a distance, look as if the wearer has gone topless.  The idea of the “TaTa Top”?  It’s to combat a form of discrimination, in that women are required to wear a bikini top on a public beach, while a man can walk around with just a pair of shorts.

Think about it.  A young lady wears her TaTa Top to the beach.  The lifeguard looks over, sees what he thinks is a topless woman, and goes over to tell her to cover her breasts.  And as he walks closer, he discovers that he’s essentially looking at a set of fabric falsies.  Hilarity ensues.

Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Oh yeah, Chuck’s posting this as some joke, a bit of purile humor, if you will, he’s probably snickering away like Beavis and Butt-head over this.”

Actually, this kind of bothers me.

I understand that there is a movement out there to hopefully desensitize the public showing of naked breasts.  It’s even got a hashtag of its own, #freethenipple.  But if you read the blog post that accompanies the TaTa Top’s website, you get an understanding of what the product’s creators have in mind.

“By far I think my favorite, ABSOLUTE favorite part about the TaTa Top is this: You can wear this in a state where it is illegal for you to be topless without breaking any laws … This bikini top gives a very convincing illusion that you are topless, and on the right person, that illusion is in effect from as close as 10 feet away. It LOOKS like you are topless…but you aren’t so you also aren’t breaking any laws. This is important to really read carefully and comprehend.  You look topless…but you aren’t, and therefore, are not breaking any laws.”

So let me get this straight… you’re on the beach and you’re wearing a product that makes you look as if your breasts are on display to the world.  And if someone comes over to question you … you can say, “Hey, Mr. Lifeguard – it’s a bikini top, I’m fully covered, and for that matter, why are you staring at my breasts, you pervert?!?”

And the website also mentions some of the “perfect” places where someone can wear the TaTa Top.

The TaTa Top is the perfect piece for almost any occasion. Whether it be at the beach, on a boat, walking down the street, or a child’s birthday party … Disclaimer: Wearers are cautioned to be prepared for the onslaught of pick up lines it is sure to elicit.

Yeah, I’m thinking that wearing this at a child’s birthday party would go over REAL well…

And I’m not trying to be a polemicist about this… but come on, what if I went back to Hamilton College, contacted the theater department and asked if those 30+ year old Lysistrata track suits were still around… you know… the ones with the sewn-on genitals.  I could put on one of those, and run down Central Avenue – and surely, no one would DARE question my motives or arrest me for indecent exposure.  Nah, I’m not being a public nuisance, man, I’m just jogging!!

And that’s the thing.  I understand that people have certain feelings and reservations about what a person can wear or NOT wear on a public or private beach… but to me, wearing the TaTa Top is like driving down the highway and taunting the cops by holding a cheese sandwich up to your ear, making the cops think you’re using a cell phone, and then watching with hilarity as they pull you over and find out that they can’t arrest you.  Ha ha, put one over on Johnny Badge.

Now I’m sure that other people have a differing opinion on this little product.  And that’s fine.

And I would definitely love to hear your comments on the subject.

Believe me, I’m a very broad minded person.

No pun intended.