“I don’t own Cardachrome any more, DePaula Chevrolet!!”

First off, let me start this blog post by stating that I’ve appreciated all the support DePaula Chevrolet has provided to my vehicles.  They took detailed care of my 1991 Pontiac 6000, and kept it going for longer than that car should have been allowed to live.  When the car died in March 2010, they helped me achieve financing for a 2005 Saturn Ion that kept me road-worthy for the next three years.

But when the Saturn – which I nicknamed “Cardachrome” – eventually developed electrical problems and became more of a hindrance than a help, I traded Cardachrome in for my current ride, my 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt SS.

Now maybe it’s because I didn’t purchase the “Blackbird” at DePaula Chevrolet, I don’t know.  As far as I’m aware, Cardachrome has probably ended up in that great car scrap heap in the sky.

For some reason, though, DePaula Chevrolet still thinks I have Cardachrome in my possession, and they want me to trade it in for another used car from their lot.

Hmm…

From the e-mail they sent me…

… you paid cash for the 2005 Saturn Ion you purchased from us on March 31, 2010. We estimate you should have about 119617 miles on this vehicle and that it is in above average condition. Based on these criteria, we have matched you up with some of our in-stock used vehicles and want to present you with some options which you will find below.

In addition to getting a newer model vehicle with probably fewer miles, you’ll enjoy possibly improved gas mileage, lower short term maintenance costs and advanced safety features …

Nice.  So in the two years I haven’t been driving Cardachrome, it went backwards for about 5,000 miles, which would be the only reason why their estimated odometer doesn’t show the same figures as when I sold the car in November 2012.

So I looked at the cars they wanted me to consider.  Hopefully they remember that I prefer driving American brands – General Motors first and foremost, but Ford or Chrysler in a pinch.

The two cars they offered for my Saturn trade-in were… a 2012 Nissan Altima, and a 2008 Honda Civic.  Both of whom had monthly payments that were higher than what I’m currently paying for the Blackbird.  And both of whom are foreign brands.

Mind you, this isn’t the first time that DePaula Chevrolet has been confused as to which car I’m currently driving.  I mean, DePaula WAS the car dealership that installed my new recall-mandated ignition switch.  DePaula WAS the car dealership that told me I couldn’t upgrade my OnStar in the Blackbird because the OnStar was factory-installed on this vehicle.

And I understand that things don’t get updated as often as they should.  Heck, DePaula for some reason still has my old Pine Hills mailing address in their database.  Considering I haven’t lived in Pine Hills in nearly FOUR YEARS… and that DePaula still sends me service updates to my correct mailing address (albeit their mailers still call Green Island “Troy” for some absurd reason)…

I left some messages for DePaula’s customer service department, asking why I was still receiving these e-mails.  Look, I don’t have a problem if DePaula wants to keep me up to date with maintenance on my current car.  And if DePaula wants to make me an offer for an upgrade on my Cobalt… I’m willing to listen.  And by “listen,” I’m only interested in General Motors cars that have the following models – Camaro, Corvette, Impala (models 9c1 or 9c3 only), Pontiac GTO (either the late 1960’s “The Judge” model, or the Holden Monaro clone from the mid-2000’s), Pontiac Trans Am (black with a T-bar roof), Buick Gran Sport, Oldsmobile Rocket “88” or 4-4-2 … or even a 1984 Pontiac 6000 STE with the bar-graph tachometer instrument panel…

I later received a call back from one of DePaula’s sales representatives, who promised me that he would update my information and mark the car as “no longer owned.”  So if all goes well, I shouldn’t receive any more of these “we want to buy your Saturn” e-mails any more.

But just in case something goes wrong… in case these “zombie e-mails” rise from the dead and come looking for me again… let me help out a smidge.

Hey, DePaula Chevrolet.  I like you guys, I really do.  But you gotta understand.

I DO NOT OWN A 2005 SATURN ION ANY MORE.

Look.  See?  Blog post in November 2012.  No more Cardachrome.  I don’t have it, I can’t sell it to you.

I currently drive a 2006 Chevrolet Cobalt SS.  Naturally aspirated.  With the performance package, heated leather interior, power moonroof, SiriusXM satellite radio, all the trimmings.  Manufactured in Ohio by union men and women earning a union wage.  And yes, I’m a year and a half ahead of my payment schedule for this car to be fully purchased and owned.

Whoever currently owns Cardachrome… if it hasn’t already joined my Pontiac 6000 in the junk heap… feel free to contact them and see if they’re interested in purchasing a car from your fleet.

Again… if you want to get me to trade in the Blackbird… I’ve listed my choices in this blog post.  You get me a good deal on a Trans-Am or a ‘Vette…

Then we can talk. ‘K?