I see your Billy Joel and raise you a Blotto.

Colorado College is setting up a musicology conference in October 2016, with subjects and topics based on the music and career of Billy Joel.

I’m not kidding.  Click here and see if I’m kidding.

Okay, now that you’ve seen that… here’s part of the symposium’s proposal.

“In the spirit of Joel’s music, this public musicology conference aims to share academically oriented insights on this popular figure and his output in an accessible and approachable manner.”

Okay… I could come up with proposals like “Why Cold Spring Harbor was Billy Joel’s most annoying LP ever,” or “Why it’s more fun to use ‘Scenes From An Italian Restaurant’ as a measure of time” …

I’m kinda bummed about this conference.

Not about the subject matter itself, hey I like Billy Joel as much as the next person.

But if Colorado College can put together this kind of a musical proposal…

Why the hell hasn’t UAlbany or Siena or Saint Rose felt the urge to create a musical proposal based on the Capital District’s greatest rock band of all time?

Yes.  You know who I’m talking about.  Heck, I even mentioned them in the caption of today’s blog.

That’s right, kiddiwinks, it’s time to have a Blotto musicology conference!

And I can imagine the subject matter.  This could be fun.

If you just base the topics of the musicology conference on Blotto’s classic oeuvre and catalog… you could create:

  • I Wanna Be A Lifeguard: How to use a public service job that requires applying zinc oxide on your nose to get hot girls in bikinis
  • We Are the Nowtones: The role of cover bands in perpetuating popular music in dive bars.  Hey, can you kill the jukebox?!?
  • She’s Got a Big Boyfriend: How to deal with that other person who lifts weights, builds cars and has no sense of humor
  • My Baby’s the Star of a Driver’s Ed Movie: How if you’re going to be involved in a “blood lines the grooves” death song, at least make sure your underwear is clean.

Shall we continue?  Let’s do.

  • Too Much Fun: How overdoing things the night before – and not remembering it the day after – can become a hit Hollywood film 20 years later
  • Elevator Music: How the rise of Muzak helped turn millions of shoppers into institutional sheep
  • Metal Head and the Benefits of three false endings in a song
  • When the Second Feature Starts: the benefits of preserving old drive-in theaters as passion pits and fried clam palaces
  • Goodbye, Mr. Bond: How to drink, kill, drink more, kill more, and have sex with beautiful women before the opening credits are finished
  • The B Side: Using the second side of a 45 as a metaphor for feeling worthless and unwanted

This is fun.  Man, someone should offer this as a course in college, you could TOTALLY get course credit for this.  You think I’d joke about such matters?  Twenty years ago, UAlbany actually offered a course in conversational Klingon, so if they can do that, they can do this. 😀

Come on, UAlbany, this is right down your alley.  Siena – you know you want to set this up.  Hell, Hudson Valley Community College has to do this.  We need this!  Support the local music history!!

One more?  One more?  Okay, one more.

  • Lightning Strikes: How to revisit 1960’s Top 40 music and make it sound cool again.  Puppy-ahh-ooh indeed.

So can we do this?  Who’s with me?  Hah?  Yeah?