“Can I shop at Putafrijo’s or Bababooey’s?”

Ah, another adventure with the telescammers.  And this one is a dilly.

First off, the spammer calls me with one ring and a hangup.  So now I have to waste my cell phone minutes to figure out why I’m getting a Washington State area code phone call.  Is it my kid Kris calling me from a different number?  Well, we shall see…

Nope.  First it’s a recording, telling me that I’ve won a $100 gift certificate, that can be used in various stores.  Many different stores.  Press (1) now to speak to a representative.

Fine.  Pressing (1).

And sure enough, a representative from some place outside the USA decides he’s going to try to sell me a $100 gift card.  First, he asks me if I qualify for the program.

Am I going to give my real name to this scammer?  Not in the least.

I think in this case, we need to bring in alter ego Tommy Tutone.  Yep, I gave the scammer the fake alias and, lo and behold, I qualify for the $100 gift certificate.  All I need to do is pay a $3.89 activation fee with a VISA or MasterCard.

After asking him if he would simply deduct the $3.89 from the gift card, he remained insistent on getting my information.  He wanted an e-mail and a credit card.  Just like they all do.

Well, guess what, scammer.  You made a big mistake.  You called the one person who not only won’t put up with your manure… but instead, I feel like playing along.  And let’s see if the gift certificate works on various restaurants or eateries.

So I first referenced a very popular eatery in our area.  Perhaps you’ve heard of it… “Putafrijos.”

Oh yes, the scammer said, you can use the gift certificate there.

Okay… maybe the phone call connection is too cloudy, he might have thought I said “Olive Garden” or something.

Let’s go to the next step.

I asked him if I could use it at a high-end clothing store named “Bababooey’s.”

Oh yes, the scammer said, you could use it there.  Now if I could just have your e-mail address…

Nah.  You guys aren’t even trying.  In the span of five minutes, you agreed that your gift card could be used at a restaurant whose name is a Spanish vulgarity; and that I could use it at a clothing store whose name matches up with one of the oldest Howard Stern jokes ever.

Plus, I had him on the line for six minutes.  That’s six minutes taken away from him scamming anyone else.

And I know what you’re saying.  “Come on, Chuck, we want to hear this.  We want to hear this.  Please tell me you recorded this little adventure.”

Did I record it?

You know damn well I recorded it.  Here you go, spammer.

Once again… another scammer / spammer caught and mocked.

And as Bugs Bunny once said in “The Rabbit of Seville,” as he chomped on a carrot… “Next?”