Oh come on … Not the Banana Splits, too …

As a child of the 1970’s, I feasted on Saturday morning programming.  And I had a serious feast for the Saturday morning creations of Sid and Marty Krofft.  Their puppet / live action series were inventive and creative and fun.  I’ve already written in the past about how Joy the Bugaloo was one of my first crushes – and how, later in life, I was blessed to interview both Joy (Caroline Ellis) and Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes) for a Toy Collector Magazine feature story on the history of Sid and Marty Krofft’s shows.

That being said … of late, the Kroffts have tried to re-invent and reboot their classic programs.  And, to be honest, their efforts have met with very spotty results.

Take for example, the 1991 reboot of the classic Sid and Marty Krofft series Land of the Lost.  Land of the Lost, for those of you who didn’t grow up in the 1970’s, was a children’s sci-fi adventure series that actually had some writing and acting credits from Hollywood’s top sci-fi talent.

In 1991, the Kroffts rebooted the series for a new generation – and it did not age very well.

Then they tried to reboot the series as a big-screen picture – only they made the mistake of giving it to Will Ferrell, and … and … yeah, I got nothing.

Okay, let’s move forward to another Krofft property – the superhero spoof Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.  Yeah, the dialogue was corny as hell, and yeah the special effects were typical $5 Krofft green screen constructs … but hey, you had Dierdre Hall running around in red Spandex, so it all balances out.

So what happened?  Krofft rebooted the series in 2001 as a prime time TV entry.  First off, never cast Markie Post as a superhero.  Next off, do not make Electra Woman a sex-crazy drunk.  Third … yeah, this was about ten levels of uggh.

Yeah, so if at first you don’t succeed … let’s stumble again, and in 2016, the Kroffts put together a digital series featuring Grace Helbig and Hannah Hart as the titular superhero duo.  Trust me, you can watch the entire series in this trailer.  That’s how spectacular the writing was for this series. </sarcasm>

Now comes news that the Kroffts have rebooted one of their original classic shows – once again – for a modern audience.

What, did they turn H.R. Pufnstuf into a crime procedural, with Mariska Hargitay playing a guest starring role as Witchiepoo?  <ching ching>

Am I going to see Lidsville as if the characters in the series were all undead mutated zombies?

Are we getting a rebooted, Nashville-style soapy drama where the main characters are Kaptain Kool and the Kongs?

No, this time the powers that be at Krofft took the classic 1968 variety/comedy series The Banana Splits –

And they’re turning it into …

They’re turning it into a freaking slasher movie.

Yes, they’re turning The Banana Splits into a slasher movie.

I’m not joking.  Heck, here’s the trailer for it.

Ugh.  No.  God no.  For the love of Frosted Flakes, no.

I cannot un-see this.  This is absolutely painful.

I mean … I’m going to find some Billo pads and scrub my eyes for at least an hour so that I can get this creepy crap out of my vision.

What’s the matter, someone couldn’t get the rights to Five Nights at Freddy’s and this was available?

Oh man, this gives me a freakin’ headache.

A Banana Splits horror movie.  Yeah, don’t even start with me.

What’s the theme song going to be?  “One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana, GORE!”

God, now I’m afraid that the next Krofft reboot will be a Bugaloos drama on HBO, with Lena Dunham as Joy the Bugaloo.

I gotta go.  My stomach is churning.