Why am I betting against the Pittsburgh Steelers today?

At this point in time, all I want is for the Pittsburgh Steelers to snag the #6 seed and make the postseason, despite their ragtag offense and an injured list that resembles what would happen if the NFL placed a team in Beirut.

All that needs to happen is for Pittsburgh to beat the Baltimore Ravens, and for the Houston Texans to defeat Tennessee.  Both games are the late starts at 4:25p Eastern time.

There’s a couple of other scenarios, but that’s the most important one.  In case you’re wondering, Pittsburgh could also get in with:

  • A tie and a Titans loss.
  • A Titans loss, an Indianapolis Colts win and an Oakland Raiders loss.
  • A Titans loss, a Colts win, and wins in Week 17 by Minnesota, Green Bay, Kansas City and Miami.

Got all that?  Good, there’s a test tomorrow.

So anyway, I realize that the Steelers have about as much of a chance of winning the Super Bowl as I have of being the team’s starting running back.  So …

I’m doing something I normally don’t do.  And God help me for doing it.

A few days ago, I went to Rivers Casino’s sportsbook and bet $10 for the Ravens to beat the Steelers.  Straight up, no spread.

And I bet another $10 for the Texans to defeat Tennessee.  Straight up as well.

And then, just because I’m a masochist, I bet a $20 parlay on BOTH of those things happening on one ticket.

Why would I do something as crazy as this?

Simple.

I want the Steelers to get in the playoffs.  I want head coach Mike Tomlin to find a way to coach this team into the postseason.  I don’t give a shit if they get murdered 70-0 in the first round.  This team has fought back against all barriers – they lost their quarterback in Game 2, then Mason Rudolph played until he was ineffective, then Devlin Hodges played until he was ineffective, then Rudolph came back and he was injured, and now Hodges (and possibly Paxton Lynch) are our QB choices.  If we can make the playoffs after that tornado …

And we’re also talking about a team that’s packed with walk-ons, low-round draft picks and practice players.  And we’ve got one of the top defenses in the NFL – TJ Watt deserves to be Defensive Player of the Year; Minkah Fitzpatrick has been our best 2020 first round draft pick, and we’ve gotten solid play from draft picks Devin Bush, Diontae Johnson and Benny Snell Jr.  The Steelers will finish with a record of .500 or better for the thirteenth time in Coach Tomlin’s 13-year coaching career.

In other words, if the Steelers make the playoffs … I won’t cry about losing $40 at the sportsbook.

And if they don’t make the playoffs … at least I’ll be able to cry in my betting slips, which will invariably pay off as much as $100, depending on how the bets fall.

Come on, Steelers … we in Steelers Nation need this game and we need it like we need a Primanti Bros. sandwich, Iron City beer and shaved ice from Isaly’s.  We need this like roller coaster rides at Kennywood.  We need this like a photo of fallingwater.  We need this like the Neighborhood Trolley riding past Daniel Striped Tiger’s clock.

Okay?

Or should I say … Double Yoi! ‘k?