One of my friends, who writes blogs under the name Lazygal, has been sending “dad jokes” to all her friends. Each morning, I could log into my e-mail account, and there’s a corny but clean dose of humor. I don’t know if she’s getting them from a site or if she’s composing them herself, I don’t care. They’re funny.
This morning, I was ready to write my blog. I had no topic. I had no idea. I was stuck.
And then I looked in my e-mail.
And lo and behold, there’s a big list of COVID-19 jokes. They’re not on the realm of those old “Truly Tasteless Jokes” that we all read from those paperback collections in the 1980’s. These are quite clean, and they involve puns and similes and mondegreens and the like.
They were funny enough that I felt you might enjoy them as well.
So here you go. If you can get through these without at least a single smile on your face, then you have problems.
- What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
- You know who buys up all the toilet paper? Assholes.
- Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
- Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
- Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
- I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
- Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
- Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
- What do you tell yourself when you wake up late for work and realize you have a fever? Self, I so late.
- Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
- Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
- What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
- I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers. Times are rough.
- You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
- What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst kase scenario.
- Back in my day you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
- If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033? There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
- You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
- What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke? Be patient.
- If Coronavirus isn’t about beer, why do I keep seeing cases of it?
- The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
- Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re shit out of luck.
- So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
- Yeah I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
- What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
- 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which has infinite
- What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine? Inside jokes!
- What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.