All right, it’s Thanksgiving night, and my beloved Pittsburgh Steelers – who are, say it with me, UN DEE FEE TED (clap clap clap-clap-clap) – are going to beat the living snot out of the Baltimore Ravens. A Pittsburgh win not only guarantees the Black and Gold a pathway to the AFC North title and the #1 seed in the AFC, it guarantees that once again, just as in the days of the old Steel Curtain, the road to the Super Bowl goes through Pittsburgh.
All right, I’m ready for some FOOTBALL. Bring on Carrie Underwood, start singing, get Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth in the booth, I want to see the Pittsburgh quarterback slinging it to rookie sensation Chase Claypool and to strong veteran Juju Smith-Schuster and …
What do you mean, the game got postponed?
What do you mean, some of the Ravens players tested positive for COVID-19?
Fine, fine, I’m good with playing the game on Sunday afternoon. It ain’t Thanksgiving, but the Steelers will still turn the Ravens into leftovers. I can’t wait until TJ Watt sacks Lamar Jackson at least three times in the first half. I wanna see Minkah Fitzpatrick run an interception back for a Pick 6. I wanna …
What do you mean, the game got postponed AGAIN?
What do you mean, Lamar Jackson has COVID-19?
Fine, fine, okay, so we play the game on Tuesday night. I can deal with that. Besides, it’ll give the Pittsburgh quarterback plenty of rest so that he can hand off to hard-charging running back James Conner, or maybe a nice bit of razzle-dazzle with Benny Snell Jr. Oh man, and that front line protecting the quarterback, everybody from Army vet Alejandro Villaneuva to son-of-a-legend-and-a-legend-in-his-own-right Cameron Hayward, yeah, I’m good with this. Bring out Ray Ray McCloud to run a kickoff back for a score. Give me Chris Boswell and his “I don’t miss from anywhere” field goal accuracy. And when you know it’s the fourth quarter, and backup quarterback Mason Rudolph gets in the game, then that’s all she wrote. Baltimore’s done like overcooked crabcakes …
What do you mean, the game got postponed AGAIN and AGAIN???
What do you mean, James Connor tested positive for COVID-19?
Ugh. Now this game’s scheduled for this afternoon, and it’s only in the afternoon because the network scheduled to air the game, NBC, has a television special that sets up the lighting of the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center.
So a marquee matchup between the future Super Bowl champion Pittsburgh Steelers and the walking COVID caravan Ravens has to wait until someone plugs in the lights on a tree?
Oh well. It just means that Pittsburgh head coach Mike Tomlin will dip into his bag of tricks. Maybe he’ll make the quarterback fake a throw and hand off to someone. Or maybe the quarterback can get his 17-year-veteran legs to scamper forward for a necessary first down.
It doesn’t matter.
Because this game has to be played. I don’t care if they relocate it to two weeks from next Sunday and play it at a parking lot in Squirrel Hill in front of tens of fans.
I’ve waited seven days for my Thanksgiving football game.
Break out the drumsticks. And split Baltimore apart at the wishbone.
Get ’em right in the giblets.
And get healthy, James Conner, we’re going to need you come next Monday night, when the Steelers demolish Washington en route to that undefeated and unbeaten and unvanquished Super Bowl championship.
Hey, maybe the Pittsburgh quarterback might have a chance at a Super Bowl MVP.
We shall see.