If Moldova doesn’t win Eurovision, WE RIOT!!

I’ve heard about the Eurovision song contest. I’ve heard the results of the Eurovision song contest. I even watched that 2020 film on Netflix – that one with Will Ferrell, you know the one. So when I discovered that the 2020 Eurovision Song Contest was available for us American viewers via the Peacock streaming service, I needed to tune in and check it out.

Oh, great. Johnny Weir’s hosting. I have nothing against Johnny Weir, but I need Tara Lipinski there with him for the magic to really work. I mean, come on, it’s Tara and Johnny, you don’t have “and Garfunkel,” or “and Oates.” Okay, you can have Garfunkel and Oates, but that’s an entirely different construct.

So … I watched the first night of Eurovision. And apparently the show features 40 different countries, each one performing a song in the competition. The song can be in English or in their native language. And although I thought this was only available to European countries, somehow Australia gets to perform in this show? And why didn’t Midnight Oil get an invite to perform for Australia this year?

Okay. I sat through the performances. Lithuanian singer was good – couldn’t understand a word she said, but the song itself was rather smoky. Was not enamored with the Lady Gaga tribute band from Albania. Ukraine has an entry this year, oh that song will do well, for sure.

Then came the entry from Moldova. Okay, great. It’s either another ballad or some over-the-top chintzy performance. Ho hum.

Then they performed.

Holy shit.

I can’t embed the Eurovision televised performance due to broadcast rights, but … holy shit … holy shit … rock guitars and violins and an accordion?

This is incredible.

Here’s a better clip.

Now here’s the thing. The group – Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers – were one of seventeen entrants on the first night of Eurovision. There were performers on the second night as well. Then people get to vote. And the judges vote. Now you’re not allowed to vote for your home country, and there’s a few other variables mixed in there as well.

The grand final will feature “The Big Five” – apparently these are countries that are automatically slotted into the finals, countries like Germany and France and the United Kingdom – so there’s a shit-ton of nail-biting when the semifinal countries discover if they’ve made the cut or not. The best way to imagine this is … you play for a small college whose basketball team went undefeated. And now you and the rest of your teammates are hovered around the television, fingers crossed, arms locked, hoping to hear that you’ll be the 16th seed against Kansas in the first round of the NCAA tournament or if you’re relgated to the NIT.

This is Moldova right now.

Wow. Moldova made the Grand Final. They’ll perform ninth, right after Ukraine.

Listen. I don’t have any skin in the game here. I don’t know of any Eurovision betting pools. But that song “Trenuleţul” by Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers was a big fat blast of energy.

The 2022 Eurovision Song Contest appears on the Peacock streaming service, so definitely give it a looksee.

And somebody find Tara Lipinski. Johnny Weir without Tara Lipinski is like Lou Costello without Bud Abbott.