So much for a “good deed has its rewards,” BJ’s Wholesale Club. Meh.

I was shopping at what was once the location of Northway Mall (now a strip mall with a Target and a Lowe’s and a BJ’s Wholesale Club, among others) when, upon leaving the Lowe’s, I noticed something on the ground.

It was a membership card for BJ’s Wholesale Club. Someone must have dropped it.

Well, that’s not a good way to start the new year.

I picked up the card. You know what? I’ll bring it to BJ’s and see if they can return it to its rightful owner.

As I entered BJ’s, I saw dozens of shoppers and tons and tons of purchasable goods. So I thought to myself, “Why not see if this random act of kindness can earn me a one-day discount on BJ’s membership prices?”

The customer service counter had a short line, so I waited patiently for my turn at the window. When that turn came, I approached one of the service representatives and handed her the card. “This was dropped outside of Lowe’s,” I said. “You may want to alert the owner so that they can retrieve it from you.”

“Thank you, that was very kind of you,” she smiled.

Okay, Chuck. Quick thinking here. “So, how do you feel about my returning the card earning me a one-day membership award? You know, pick up a few items and earning the membership price for my good deed?”

She winked at me. “Tell you what,” she cooed. “Purchase what you want and bring them back here to the service desk, and I’ll give you a one-day membership price.”

Damn, Chuck. It was almost as if Olivia Newton-John put on those micro-leather pants and called me stud.

Okay. Let’s go shopping.

And I tell you, BJ’s Wholesale Club has a ton of stuff. Literally. You want body wash? You can buy it in bulk. You want muffin trays? You can get a dozen of them at once. You want a laptop computer? They’re right there for the purchase.

I bought a few items – enough for me to carry in my arms – and went back to the customer service desk. The representative who had originally offered me the deal was not at the desk, but some of the same people who heard our conversation were still there. So I approached one of them.

“Hi, I was here earlier and returned someone’s membership card.”

“Yes, I remember you,” the service worker said.

“And your co-worker offered me a one-day membership price for today.”

“I remember that, too.”

“Okay, here’s what I have, I can put this on my credit card and – “

“You do know there’s a 20% surcharge, right?”

Wait, what?

“You’re not a member, so if we sign you up as a member, there’s a 20% surcharge on your purchases today.”

“Oh, I thought I would receive a one-day membership price.”

“Right,” she gruffed, “but we need to sign you up for a membership. If you purchase one today, it’s good for the entire year.”

Um … that’s not what your co-worker told me …

Ah, screw it. It wasn’t worth the effort. The representative agreed to take the items back and have them re-stocked, and I left without purchasing anything.

I mean … I’m at least happy that the lost membership card will eventually return to its rightful owner. But other than the feeling of actually doing a good deed for the day …

Oh, well. Such is life.

Then again, the next time I see someone’s lost membership card … I’ll check it to see if it’s a membership to Sam’s Club or Costco.