“Wake up! It’s time to renew!!”

Ah, the New York State Department of Motor Vehicles moves like clockwork. Especially when they want your money.

This morning, I received an email stating that this is my THIRD notice for renewing the registration on my 2017 Chevrolet Volt Premier (“Lightning’s Girl”). I guess that’s supposed to frighten the shit out of me, because I don’t recall the DMV sending me the first two emails. Checked my spam filter. Nope. So essentially, they’re giving me the big fat scare package.

Okay. I’m awake. Yawn. Sorta. Let’s get this procedure done and out of the way.

And I have to make a decision. Because ever since my 2016 car accident – you know, the one where my Chevrolet Cobalt SS (the “Blackbird”) got clobbered in a front-and-rear Malachi Crunch on a North Carolina highway in 2016 – I’ve lost my original customized license plates, and have transitioned instead to generic name-and-number plates that the DMV issues.

So now … if I so desire … when I renew Lightning’s Girl’s registration, I could opt for customized plates again.

Hmm. Let’s see what my options are. There’s a link on the New York State DMV website that allows you to check the availability of various customized license plate combinations. So I punched in a few, based on my total existence.

Is this plate available?

Nice. I could rock the Nightowl Radio Show as a full-fledged advert on my car. Too bad I’m self-retiring the show at the end of the month.

Let’s try another plate.

Yep, I could show my support for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. And the minute I enter the Adirondacks, Elise Stefanik would have me arrested and bring in Kristi Noem to give me the “Old Yeller” treatment, for sure.

How about this one?

It’s kind of hard to cram “Lightning’s Girl” into an eight-character license plate, and the way the font looks here, someone might mis-read it as “Liking Girl” or “Licking Girl” or “Ling Girl” as if “Ling” was the suffix of some bedroom activity. Yeah, let’s not chance it.

Ooh, here’s a good one.

I mean … it’s fine so long as I don’t watch a football game at the Buffalo Bills’ home park, amirite? What? Too soon? 😀

Hmm… I can’t get “PATROONS” as a plate, but is this option available?

If you don’t speak Patroons-lingo, that means “Trevis Wyche with a long-distance 3-point shot, and it’s good!!” Ha!

This might be a fun one.

That actually translates to, “I know, license and registration.” Yeah, that’ll get an extra surcharge on my ticket, won’t it?

Holy cow, this one is available??

For all those times I want to tell someone to Chuck off and die. All those mother Chuckers on the highway. Hey, you Chucking asshole who passed me on the right side of the road. Chuck U!!

And in the end … after having fun with the license plate generator …

I stuck with the letter-number combination the DMV originally issued me. Although … I did pay a little extra to upgrade my plate from the gold issue to these new “Excelsior” plates. You know … the ones that show off the New York City skyline and Niagara Falls.

There we go. Everything’s taken care of.

Now I can go back to sleep.

Or at least wait until my car insurance contacts me via email with a message, “This is our 15th time trying to reach you with this first email.”

SURE it is. Chuck U, clowns.