Darnell Washington is a massive tight end for the Pittsburgh Steelers. And by massive, I mean seriously massive. He’s listed as 6’7″ in height and 265 in frame. Imagine that kind of target catching a ball and running upfield.
He already has five career touchdowns in four years for the Steelers, including three this season. Prior to the season, he signed an extension on his rookie contract, essentially making him a black and gold fixture for as long as he wishes.
And when Darnell Washington catches the ball … defenders better look out. He’ll stiff-arm you into the shadow realm. Every time he hits a defender on the run, they should play Ludacris’ “Move Bitch Get Out the Way” as the soundtrack.
So last week, when the Steelers punished the Saints in Paris, Darnell Washington was responsible for Pittsburgh’s only touchdown in the 16-10 win, when he wrestled the ball away from New Orleans’ Kool-Aid McKinstry in the end zone.
And for that incredible touchdown … he got fined over $14,000 by the NFL.
For what? Treating Kool-Aid McKinstry like a packet of drink mix?
No. Watch the video again. After the touchdown was confirmed, Darnell Washington replicated a scene from one of the Major League baseball movies. Specifically, this scene.
Yep. The Big Marbles Dance. Washington simply was channeling his inner Pedro Cerrano.
But the NFL didn’t see it that way, and last night Darnell Washington was fined for … well .. let’s show the message from the NFL, shall we?
Yeah, that. The NFL – which on occasion can stand for “No Fun League” – docked Washington for celebrating his big marbles.
Apparently the NFL can clutch their pearls as quickly as anyone else. Yeah, the NFL stands on their moral high ground. And that high ground is sponsored by DraftKings and FanDuel and Kalshi and Polymarket.
Oh yeah, and commercials like this that run in the SAME NFL GAME.
Okay. So what we’re saying here is … as far as the NFL is concerned … Sydney Sweeney’s footballs are okay, but Darnell Washington’s are not?
Just so I’m clear on this.
You know what? Darnell Washington should tape that fine notice to his locker. And it should remind him that the NFL only cares about him as long as he scores touchdowns and places the ball very gently on the end zone turf and walks off the field. Don’t celebrate, it might upset the highers-up.
Pfft. Next time Darnell Washington scores a touchdown, I hope he recreates something from a Bob Fosse Broadway show … followed quickly by a punt into the cheap seats at Acrisure Stadium.
And then he does it again.
Because if Darnell Washington can celebrate his big marbles after a touchdown …
The NFL is just nothing but cheap buckshot.
Frankly, I don’t care much for ANY of their end zone antics or rituals. Kinda takes away from them being the overpaid ‘professionals’ that they are.
But that was a cheap call. After all, he did use NFL-approved equipment.
And btw, a punt into the cheap seats would cost him $8,357 … for a first offense.
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