So everybody grab your popcorn and gather around the television / radio / streaming video set this morning.
James Comey is going to testify before the House Intelligence Committee regarding conversations he had with President Trump – including those where Trump demanded that Comey swear loyalty to the President, and that Trump wanted Comey to ease off investigations involving the Russian collusion and investigations about disgraced National Security Advisor Michael Flynn.
I know this will be a riveting story. It will provide Americans with a window into the inner workings of the White House, into the machinations of President Donald Trump, into the battle for power and control of the most powerful nation on Earth.
But I also hope that during this testimony, that maybe, just maybe, we might get some answers to the really important questions in life. Including…
- If there truly was collusion between the Trump organization and the Russians, who was involved, how far up the chain of command was the collusion authorized, when did Donald Trump know and what did he do about it?
- Did Donald Trump order you to look the other way regarding Michael Flynn or anybody else under suspicion?
- What happened to the millions of dollars donated at Trump fundraisers for St. Jude Children’s Hospital, which are alleged to have been funneled to Trump Organization coffers instead?
- In your opinion, who really wrote the Book of Love?
- In your opinion, who really let the dogs out?
- In your opinion, do you really know whatever happened to Baby Jane?
- Has President Trump ever kicked a golf ball into the hole and claimed a birdie when it was really a triple bogey?
- Do you have any information on whether the President actually sold weapons to Iran in exchange for money to aid the rebels in Nicaragua?
- Do you have any information regarding criminal activity in South Central Pennsylvania’s Amish communities, given that there have been reports of an “Amish Mafia” operating both in secret and on national television?
- Is it true that Kellyanne Conway’s nose grows every time she says something?
- Is it true that President Trump was offered the opportunity to screen Wonder Woman at the White House movie theater and instead chose to watch Captain Underpants instead?
- Is it true that President Trump considered nominating Ann Coulter as White House Press Secretary, but he was afraid all the crows would fly out of Washington if she showed up?
- Is it true that President Trump’s plans to privatize air travel is an attempt to return his Trump Shuttle plane fleet back to the skies?
- Is it true that the President has a custom-made dartboard in the Oval Office with Alec Baldwin’s picture taped to the bull’s-eye?
- And, finally, Mr. Comey… even if all these allegations and sordid details prove to be true …
- If they prove to be true …
- Then what’s next for our country?
Honestly … past all the humor and sarcasm and satire … what’s next?