To all the chisel-brains who are planning a protest in Albany today…

I understand there’s some sort of upcoming protest / demonstration planned for downtown Albany today.  This is another one of those “we need the country open again” demonstrations.  And with that in mind, I have some thoughts that I’d like to share with those demonstrators today.


First of all, understand that COVID-19 is not something you can just get rid of with a glass of orange juice.  This is a very insidious virus and it will kill you and everybody you love.  It will infect your lungs and destroy your breathing.  And even if you DO survive COVID-19, you may still have breathing troubles, heart troubles, kidney troubles, all sorts of troubles for the rest of your life.  So why would you risk all that right now?

What is in your life at this point that isn’t happening now that you need to happen?  You need a haircut?  It’s okay, let your hair grow long.  You can’t go to the bar and tie one on?  Liquor stores are delivering now.  You don’t want to miss that summer blockbuster?  Most of the blockbusters are now streaming on demand, and you don’t have to consume that congealed goo that the movie theaters put on their popcorn.

Are you making an argument that your liberty is being infringed upon?  It’s not liberty you should worry about.  It’s life.  Because COVID-19 can spread faster in groups.  You get one bonkbrain who thinks it’s A-OK to show up at this event – and he’s got maybe a high fever, but that’s no big deal, right?  Maybe he’s got that dry cough that won’t go away, but hey, no worries, right?  And he can’t smell that pile of dog crap he just stepped in – heck, he can’t smell anything right now, and hasn’t for the last couple of days – but no big deal …

Think about this.  We’re trying to flatten the curve.  We’re trying to avoid catching the coronavirus, and that chowderhead is now among you, coughing up a storm and screaming for his rights to go to the local strip club again.  I guess he’s been tired of spending time with his wife in quarantine and he’s been itching for a trip to Nite Moves to dump his paycheck into the G-strings of the least bored pole-polisher… and he’s among you now, coughing and wheezing in an effort to own the libtards.

We’re all going through this.  We’re all adjusting our lives.  We’re all making sacrifices and we’re all trying to make this work.  Trust me, where we are now, we will be in a better position as time progresses.  But if you’re downtown today, you don’t know who in your little protest group may be asymptomatically carrying COVID-19.  And that person can easily infect you with one cough or one touch.

You’re also taking a chance on spiking the curve – putting us back on the upswing, and possibly overwhelming the hospitals with COVID-19 patients.  Do you really want that?  Do you want doctors and nurses and first responders and all the rest to have to take care of your weary, wheezing, infected ass when they haven’t even received five minutes of rest from their last 12-hour shift?

Let me tell you something.  I would love to go out right now.  I would love to take a trip.  I would love to be at the Armory, watching the Albany Patroons win their second TBL basketball championship in a row.  I would love to go to the local fairs in the summertime.  I would love to go to my 35th college reunion in June.  But I know none of that’s happening right now.  And although I’m disappointed, I’ve made peace with it.  We can all make it through.  But we all have to work together.  We can’t risk the possibility of someone getting infected and infecting everybody else.

Please do not be like those chuds in Western New York who think that this virus can’t do to them what it’s done in New York City.  It will arrive.  Make no mistake.  It will arrive and we must take whatever measures we can to keep it away.

Come on, Albany … we’re better than this.  We’ve been inconvenienced by Andrew Cuomo’s statewide “pause,” but we will get past this.  We are New Yorkers, damn it.  You know what New York has survived over the years?  We’ve survived blackouts.  We’ve survived Hurricane Irene and Superstorm Sandy.  We’ve survived 9/11 and seven-foot-high snowdrifts.  We will get through this.  ALL of us.

In other words, don’t be a dickhead and fuck this up for all of us who are trying to survive it.

Here’s the best way you can protest today, if you feel you must participate in such a protest.

Get a bunch of your buddies together online, and have a Zoom protest.  No muss, no fuss, it’s totally free and you won’t infect anyone else.

Unless one of you has a possible computer virus … but then, there’s really no help for you at that point. 😀