K-Chuck Radio: A Playlist for Rudy Giuliani and Jeffrey Toobin

So yeah, in the past few days there have been incidents involving various political people who, for some unknown reason, have a desire to, shall we say, give themselves a little self-pleasure.

The first instance involved New York columnist and CNN pundit Jeffrey Toobin, who decided to expose his penis while he was in the middle of a Zoom call. Hey, look, accidents happen, I’ve heard of incidents where people wear dress shirts and blazers on Zoom calls and don’t bother with pants. But it was later revealed that Toobin apparently was participating in a little onanism while on video. His reasons? Don’t know, don’t care. Dude got suspended from CNN, got suspended from the New Yorker, and now he has to contemplate his shame.

And not far behind him is Rudy Giuliani. Because apparently Giuliani was filmed in a hidden-camera video by Sacha Baron Cohen, as part of Baron Cohen’s upcoming Borat sequel. Apparently the story is that Baron Cohen’s assistant, who is pretending to be a 15-year-old girl (she’s really a 24-year-old actress), entices Giuliani. Giuliani, unaware that cameras are filming him, lays down on a bed, his back on the mattress and his hand down his pants.

Rudy, congratulations, you just knocked Donald Trump off the “Worst Person in the World” countdown for Keith Olbermann. Congrats. Have a bagel.

But this is K-Chuck Radio, my online playlist where I can put together songs that talk about … well … getting a little busy with Jill. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, look at your left hand. The J is your thumb and index finger, the I is your middle finger … work from there.

My Ding-A-Ling

Yeah, you’ve heard the concert version of Chuck Berry’s naughty little ditty, but have you ever heard the studio version? Now you can.

Dancing With Myself

Maybe you weren’t aware that Billy Idol was originally part of a punk / new wave crew named Generation X, this was their only hit. Over time, this song became part of the Billy Idol greatest hits package, to the point where they don’t even mention Generation X in relation to the track. Shame.

Tube Snake Boogie

Look, it was either this or “Velcro Fly,” and there’s no way I’m going to let you see ZZ Top trying to dance in a music video. I gotta spare you stuff like that.

She Bop

What, you think guys are the only ones who find some private time?


And sometimes, if you can get someone to help you clean your pole for you, as did the “Mary Jane who lives down the lane” did in this song, well, then, good on you.

The Stroke

True story. I was in a relationship a long time ago, and that person told me that her family appreciated this song. I asked her why, since I knew what the lyrics were about. She said that the last part of the song, where the chorus is sung to the Song of the Volga Boatsmen, impressed her parents. Um … oh … kay …

Bend It!

Apparently this song’s rhythm structure involves several crescendos and climaxes. I’m just gonna leave that there.

Okay, so I’ve had my little fun with this playlist. But on a serious note. If you don’t want people to see you polishing your pole during a Zoom meeting, here’s a suggestion. KEEP YOUR PENIS IN YOUR PANTS AND YOUR HANDS ON THE KEYBOARD!!

And Rudy … You’re just lucky you were filmed by Sacha Baron Cohen. Could you imagine if you were filmed by this guy?