It is a very, very rare moment when I will willingly sit in front of the TV set and watch a Lifetime motion picture. And by “willingly,” I mean by myself, with no one else in the room.
Now, in the past, I have chosen to watch a Lifetime film. The biography of the Clark Sisters, for example, was an excellent Lifetime movie and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
But this Sunday … we have a film called “A Recipe for Seduction.”
The film is sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken.
And Mario Lopez is in the lead role.
And he’s playing a cook named Harlan Sanders.
That’s right. Mario Lopez is playing Colonel Sanders.
I’m going to say that the only similarity between Mario Lopez and Colonel Sanders is that they are both men.
That being said, I had not ever considered the story of Harland Sanders to be the equivalent of one of those Barbara Cartland paperback pulps that my mom read with great vigor. Perhaps this is the same as a Harland-quin novel? Yeah, you saw what I did there.
By the way, if you’re really curious as to whether Colonel Sanders was a spry young stud back in the day, I’m betting no. I’m thinking he was born with the white hair and the white suit and the black neckerchief. Here’s an example from the mid-1960’s, when Sanders appeared on an episode of the quiz show “What’s My Line.”
The thing is, I know what’s going to happen here. This film will be a monster hit, it’ll be the 2020 equivalent of Sharknado.
And every fast food joint in the world will start pumping out their own films, all referencing their iconic characters.
I can see it now. A romantic comedy starring Ronald McDonald, something called “Down with the Clown.” Or maybe the mystical adventures of Fudgie the Whale and Cooky Puss, the Carvel Ice Cream cake characters.
Oh, wait, oh, wait, this is my best one. That romantic thriller where the Burger King found out that the Dairy Queen was caught in bed with Five Guys, so he went out with Wendy instead.
Ridiculous? Sure, it is. But it can’t be any more ridiculous than having Mario Lopez play Colonel Sanders in a romantic thriller.
I mean, considering there’s been a dozen other people who have played Colonel Sanders in KFC commercials, you couldn’t bring in Norm McDonald or Jim Gaffigan or someone else?
Yeesh. What time’s this thing on? Sunday night?
Well, it can’t be any worse for me than downing a KFC Famous Bowl with Nashville Hot Sauce.
So there’s that.