Pray tell, what be this La Croix nectar you served to me?

My friend Laurie is a driver for various shopping centers; you place an order, she gets it and brings it to you. Well, recently, she posted that there was an available run of a brand of sparkling water that I had never previously known existed.

Something called La Croix sparkling water.

She had purchased a case of the product, and posted a picture of the case on Facebook.

I messaged her and asked if another pack was available, if she could purchase it for me and I would reimburse. She agreed.

Yesterday, she dropped off a pack of La Croix Lemoncello sparkling water.

Looks like this.

From what I understand, La Croix is a popular sparkling water brand in the Midwest, but it’s not normally available around these parts. Most of the sparkling waters available in this neck of the woods are usually Polar brands, although Stewart’s has a couple of bottled seltzers that have a bit of a raw kick to them.

Okay, so this is called La Croix lemoncello sparkling water.

Let’s pop a top of this pop.



Another sip.


A larger sip.


It feels like I’m drinking a lemon cookie. Or a lemon cupcake. Or drinking lemon frosting.

Before I knew it, the can was empty. And I had the delicious taste of lemon in my soul.

Yeah, we’re not wasting the rest of this bounty. I’m saving these cans for special occasions.

Now, maybe I’m going overboard with this sudden La Croix indulgence, but there are times in my life when a flavor, or an aroma, or a fragrance, just catches me at the perfect moment. At Christmastime, for example, I need to get Balsam and Cedar scented candles from Yankee Candle, or it doesn’t smell like Christmas. This La Croix stuff is the arguable equivalent of the Balsam and Cedar fanboying.

So why is it so difficult to get this stuff in New York? Is there something where you can’t transport La Croix sparkling water across state lines for some reason? Are there people trying to smuggle it across the border, only to have the county Mounties pull the driver over for bootlegging?

Okay, I got the solution. I’m going to give Laurie a call. We drive down to the La Croix headquarters, and we load up an 18-wheeler with all the La Croix lemoncello sparkling water we can haul. Laurie can drive the semi, I’ll drive a 1977 Pontiac Trans-Am, jet black with a T-bar roof and mag wheels, and we’ll keep an eye out for Smokey Bear.

Oh, and if, along the journey, I happen to see Sally Field in a wedding dress … she can ride shotgun.