In an unexpected turn of events that no one saw coming, NBC has announced that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has been tapped to host the April 10th edition of Saturday Night Live, replacing Carey Mulligan, who had to drop out due to a very recently disclosed scheduling conflict.
Cuomo, who has been battling various public relations nightmares regarding his handling of COVID-19 in nursing homes, as well as various accusations of inappropriate conduct levied against him, has announced through his public relations department that he recently completed negotiations with SNL producer Lorne Michaels to replace the April 10th host. Cuomo will provide the opening monologue, as well as appear in a couple of sketch comedy skits.
“I kinda reminded Lorne that New York political figures have hosted SNL in the past,” said Cuomo. “I mean, Ed Koch was a host at one time, and Donald Trump hosted twice. So I don’t see any problem with me hosting the show. I’ve been a long-time fan of the program, and it’s my office that provides the tax breaks that allow NBC to broadcast the show live in New York City. I hope they remember that.”
Cuomo has already asked the producers to make sure he has a separate screen during his monologue, so that he can have his trademark PowerPoint slides on display. As for sketches, Cuomo said he would be open to working with any of the cast in live and filmed bits. “Actually, I’m looking forward to being in a sketch with Cecily Strong,” Cuomo said. “Have you seen her? That’s a smoke show for sure. And I wouldn’t kick that Chloe Fineman girl out of bed for eating cookies.”
He also said he would be glad to offer cast member Pete Davidson any tips on Davidson’s Cuomo impersonation. “He’s okay, but I just don’t see him in me,” said Cuomo of Davidson. “I kinda preferred that one guy who did an impersonation of David Paterson back in the day. He was funny.”
Cuomo is also in negotiations to replace the show’s musical guest, scheduled to be Kid Cudi, with his favorite philosopher and raconteur, A.J. Parkinson. “It’s about time that people knew more about A.J. Parkinson,” said the governor. “He’s been a long-time influence on both myself and my father, when he was governor.”
Cuomo has hinted that if this appearance works out, he would be more than happy to continue hosting for the remainder of SNL’s season. “It’s up to Lorne,” Cuomo said. “He can let me host as often as I like, or I can remind him that my daughter once had a boyfriend, and I made the boyfriend’s job relocate him to the coldest part of New York so that he wouldn’t see her again. Not that I would do that to Lorne, but still … I am the governor of this state, and I do have executive powers. Some of which I haven’t even fully tested out yet. If you know what I mean.”
And for other Saturday Night Live cast members, Cuomo plans on bringing gifts to show his appreciation for the opportunity to host. “You know, I just signed a law legalizing small amounts of weed. I’m sure there’s a cast member or two who might want some plants for their own personal garden use. Just so long as they follow strict social distancing guidelines and have no more than eight other leafy growing things in their garden.”
For more information on Cuomo’s appearance on Saturday Night Live, as well as exclusive clips from the show, click at this link.
I’m telling the TU on you.
Nice try, Chuck.
Except for your last two paragraphs, including that “suspicious link,” this almost sounds plausible.
Three ounces is not a small amount of weed, Mr. Cuomo.
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