Hey, Scammers – you’re trying too hard. And failing too easily.

It was less than a month ago when someone contacted me, claiming that I had poached some of their photos for my blog. Upon a little careful discovery, I found that this “person” was a scammer, who was trying to fool me into clicking on a link that would have installed horrible ransomware on my computer. Sorry, scammer. Go kick rocks.

Yesterday, the scammer tried again. At 9:06 a.m. yesterday morning, I received a direct message through my blog from someone claiming to be “Melanie Garcia.”

Here’s “Melanie’s” message.

Hi there! My name is Melanie. Your website or a website that your company hosts is infringing on a copyright-protected images owned by myself. Take a look at this document with the links to my images you used at chuckthewriter.blog and my earlier publications to get the evidence of my copyrights. Download it now and check this out for yourself: (link deleted) I believe you have willfully infringed my rights under 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq. and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $150,000 as set forth in Section 504(c)(2) of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (”DMCA”) therein. This letter is official notification. I seek the removal of the infringing material referenced above. Please take note as a service provider, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act requires you, to remove or disable access to the infringing materials upon receipt of this notice. If you do not cease the use of the aforementioned copyrighted material a lawsuit will be commenced against you. I have a good faith belief that use of the copyrighted materials described above as allegedly infringing is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law. I swear, under penalty of perjury, that the information in the notification is accurate and that I am the copyright owner or am authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed. Best regards, Melanie Garcia 05/11/2021

Okay, Melanie. Sure thing.

Oh, and Melanie … I think I should introduce you to someone named Maria White, who apparently also seems to think I’m using her materials.

Because two hours after “Melanie Garcia” contacted me, “Maria White” chimed in with her request.

And dang, if “Maria White” didn’t have some similar verbiage in her request.

Hi there! My name is Maria. Your website or a website that your company hosts is infringing on a copyright-protected images owned by myself. Check out this document with the links to my images you used at chuckthewriter.blog and my earlier publications to get the evidence of my copyrights. Download it right now and check this out for yourself: (link deleted) I believe you have willfully infringed my rights under 17 U.S.C. Section 101 et seq. and could be liable for statutory damages as high as $150,000 as set forth in Section 504(c)(2) of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (”DMCA”) therein. This letter is official notification. I seek the removal of the infringing material referenced above. Please take note as a service provider, the Digital Millennium Copyright Act requires you, to remove or disable access to the infringing materials upon receipt of this notice. If you do not cease the use of the aforementioned copyrighted material a lawsuit will be commenced against you. I have a good faith belief that use of the copyrighted materials described above as allegedly infringing is not authorized by the copyright owner, its agent, or the law. I swear, under penalty of perjury, that the information in the notification is accurate and that I am the copyright owner or am authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed. Best regards, Maria White 05/11/2021

So … yeah.

Let’s do a little didactic thought, shall we, class?

“Your website or a website that your company hosts is infringing on a copyright-protected images owned by myself.” Seems a bit comma-lite, I would say. And is it “a copyright-protected image” or is it “some copyright-protected images,” because you can’t be singular and plural at the same time.

I get it, English isn’t your first language. I’m betting it’s more likely Chechnyan or something.

The references to 17 USC 101 and DCMA 504(c)(2), while important references in copyright law, are so broad in scope that the statements can mean many things. For example, if a court proves that someone knowingly poached my photos and presented them as their own work, I could legally sue and have, if I win my case, received up to $150,000 per infringement. However, if it was proven that the infringement was accidental or unintentional, I would be able to only claim $200 per infringement. And then there’s “fair use,” which insulates such entities as nonprofits and parodists from infringements. But you’re not going to receive CLE credits by reading this blog, so just spouting off statutes and regulations is about as impressive as me telling you to go crack open a Bible and quote from Psalms 3:16.

“If you do not cease the use of the aforementioned copyright material a lawsuit will be commenced against you.” As I’ve said in the past, the photos on this blog are mine. Mine with my cameras and my images. And telling me that I’ve infringed YOUR copyrights – and telling me this under two identical letters, written by two separate spambots – ain’t winning you any truth points.

Oh, but here’s the prizewinning statement. “I swear, under penalty of perjury, that the information in the notification is accurate and that I am the copyright owner or am authorized to act on behalf of the owner of an exclusive right that is allegedly infringed.” Oh, you do, do you? So you swear, Melanie Garcia / Maria White, that these claims are the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? That kind of legalese might get you a passing grade at Trump University, but it doesn’t work in the real world. No, sorry. Because technically, your affirmation isn’t even worth the pixels it’s generated from, considering that we’re not in a court of law and what you sent me is neither an affirmation, an affidavit or any other type of sworn statement. Trust me, I could say, “I swear, under penalty of perjury, that Barry Manilow belongs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” and it wouldn’t matter because I’m not swearing to any judges when I make this statement.

So, instead of perjury, you’re either suffering from self-plagiarism, or some sort of psychotic split personality. Whichever it is, it ain’t working, sugars. But what I am doing is posting your little scam right here in today’s blog. You know why? So that if anybody who receives your little claims of theft just happens to Google words and phrases from your little scam, they’ll get a hit to this blog post. And they’ll understand that all you’re doing is just spreading the shit and hoping you draw flies.

As I said before … you are nothing. Go kick rocks. Your scamming is not welcome here. Away with you, foul demons. Crawl out of your mommy’s basement and actually look outside where there’s fresh air and sunshine.

Oh, and just so we’re clear on this. Barry Manilow does not belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Heck, he should be required to pay full admission just for walking PAST the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. So there. Nyah.