“Your cutlery, sir, it will KEAL.”

A couple of years ago, someone introduced me to the competition series Forged in Fire, where bladesmiths and other metal workers fashion knives and weaponry, with the winning competitor receiving $10,000 for his/her efforts.

I have to admit, the show is quite fun to watch, especially when the show’s judges take the contestants’ newly-finished weapons and start bashing them into tree trunks and ballistics dummies to test the weapons’ strength and durability.

And trust me, if J. Nielsen is testing your blades, you better hope they survive.

And if your finale weapons make it to the final round, they get tested out by Kali martial artist Doug Marcaida, in what was originally called the “kill” test. Well, because of Doug’s accent on the word “kill,” it eventually morphed into the “KEAL” test, with “KEAL” being an acronym for a weapon built so well it will “Keep Everyone Alive.” Well, except for animal carcasses and ballistics dummies, but hey…

Now of late, I’ve been trying to upgrade my bachelor cooking game, and a recent visit on eBay found me a set of chef’s knives – and the creator of the chef’s knives went full out on these bad boys. Take a look.

Hand-made by a bladesmith from Pakistan. Five chef’s knives, complete with detailed checkerboard handles. And if you’re wondering about the blades themselves, that rippling pattern is what is known as a Damascus steel pattern, in which different blocks of steel are forged together and twisted or manipulated into a highly detailed and super-strong effect.

And it comes with a leather carrying pouch, so if I plan on showing off my culinary acumen the next time I make dinner on Date Night, I can bring my tools safely to my date’s kitchen.

Before I use these, though, I will want to get them sharpened and cleaned. And then once that’s taken care of, I’m sure there’s a nice slice of Berkshire Pork or Wagyu Steak or farmer’s market chicken breast waiting for their use.

I’m just not sure I would hand these over to the Forged in Fire judges just yet. I don’t need J. Nielsen to smash my new cleaver into a series of railroad spikes. I’m not sure I want David Baker throwing my long knife into a block of wood to test the tip sharpness.

But hey, if Doug Marcaida wants to take one of the knives and give it a run through a ballistics dummy …

That I can work with.